Overachiever.
Perfectionist.
Worrier.
Problem solver.
These are common labels we see self-applied in our community. They’re not the only labels, but they are among the most common. People often label themselves with certain traits that tend to drive anxiety, then wonder why they find themselves anxious most or all of the time.
This is an odd thing when we see it. An anxious overachiever knows that the drive to achieve is not really healthy, but will still wear that label as a badge of honor or accomplishment. The chronic worrier will tell us that they are being driven to extremes because they can’t stop worrying, but they will also often confess that they take pride in their worry because they see it as a sign of being a loving or caring person. The anxious problem solver finds themselves mentally exhausted by their problem seeking and solving habit, but will still happily and proudly tell anyone that will listen that they are the “one who keeps things on track”.
Human beings are labeling machines. We LOVE to name things, categorize them, evaluate them, and know about them. We do this as a matter of course. It’s quite a useful trait for us to have as it comes in handy quite often. But like all traits and habits, it can get a bit twisted, especially when we bring this skill to bear on ourselves.
We label ourselves as a way to show the world who we are. More importantly, we label ourselves to try to convince ourselves that we are who we hope to be. We use self-applied labels to gain acceptance, understanding and validation. We sometimes use our labels to gain accommodation, permission, or forgiveness. Our labels can become identifiers, shields, and weapons, all at the same time. We use them for so many purposes that they become prized possessions for us.
We love them ... even when we hate them for what they describe.
Self-labeling is going to happen. We can’t avoid it. But what we can avoid is the trap of thinking that the labels we stick on ourselves are unchanging, immutable, and forever in nature. In most cases, they are not. More accurately, the traits and habits they describe are not.
You may not want to be a worrier or overachiever any more. The good news is that those things can be changed with work over time. The bad news is that changing means that you may have to abandon the label(s) you’ve seen as so precious for so long. That can be scary, and it can shake our sense of who we really are.
That’s OK. Everyone has to find themselves again once in a while. It’s not a crime to abandon your labels, and it is not a disaster to have to do some work on yourself as part of the process.
We’ll talk more about labels, traits and habits down the road, but today I will leave you with one question.
Are you clinging to labels that you’d rather not have to cling to?
Tomorrow we’ll talk about how recovery is possible, no matter how long you’ve struggled.
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
16. Are You Clinging To Labels?