Yes! My therapist says, first time they show up, bring them to reality and fact check. Look for evidence. If they keep coming up and what if ing then do not engage, you’ll never win the argument.
Great reinforcement Drew! It’s automatic that we want to argue with ourselves. I did so much in the beginning but soon realized it was making things worse. Now I just allow thoughts to float in and out sometimes even giggling at how unrealistic they are. It gets easier with day practice. Love you Big Guy!
Isn't using past experiences just another form of debate? I mean, I could walk barefooted on the sidewalk outside my building to the store a hundred times and nothing happens. This doesn't mean I won't end up with a nail or glass in my foot the 101th time. This is probably what my thought would tell me if I tried handling it in this way.
I'd approach this with threat response education. Understanding the symptoms and why they are there. These pesky thoughts are there to stop you from what you are doing: exposing yourself to what the brain has decided is a threat. I view them as just another symptom like a beating heart or muscle tension. It's all there to motivate you to get the hell out of the situation while priming the body to flee or fight.
These thoughts aren't really your logical, reasoning mind that is presenting a case for you to consider. That part of the brain is in fact shutting down during a strong threat response. As your threat response (anxiety) goes up, your ability to reason goes down. What you are hearing is more of a primal mind process to PUSH you into exiting the situation.
My recipe:
1. The threat response is designed to fight or flee from something in the PHYSICAL world. It's evident when looking at the effects on the body. Let that sink in. It's not designed for fear over a beating heart or walking out to the middle of a big square. So look around you: is there anyone here with a gun? Are you under true threat? If not: reassure yourself that you are in fact 100% safe from THE THING THIS RESPONSE WAS DESIGNED FOR. This alarm going off, is doing so in error, a mistake, call it whatever works for you, but recognize this situation is NOT it.
2. Everything that's happening in the body and mind can be explained. We know a lot about the threat response. Educate up! Really read into it. It's fascinating in fact. It's very comforting being able to point things out during an onset: oh that's that thing and hey there that thing is happening.
3. Now hopefully, you're feeling brave enough to just let anxiety come and go. Including those scary thoughts. Easy situations first, then stepping up the challange.
Drew is welcome to whip my ass if he feels I'm wrong in any of this ;)
PS: this is how I would work with thoughts popping up in the moment of exposure. If the tendency is more to pounder "what if's" before even leaving your home, I'd suggest another approach: write down everything that these thoughts are saying will happen. Write until there is nothing left to write. Then decide to test this and go out doing the exposure at the level you can just about get through. Now come back and check back with that note. What happened? Were these thoughts right, at all?
Repeat this process until you begin to realize, by experience, that these thoughts are no indication of what will happen. I guess this is more in the domain of what Drew is suggesting above ;)
This is why I was really careful to frame this the way I did. It's not a debate to prove the thoughts wrong at all. This precursor step can be a slippery slope because for some, they will automatically turn it into a "I'm OK" mantra, which it is not designed to be at all. So I get what you're saying. For many, there is an insistence that a debate must take place or that an internal debate with thoughts is uncontrollable, so this precursor can be a useful reminder that even when it feels SUPER unsafe or impossible to leave the scary thought alone, reality is on your side so its time to take that leap.
I could make a strong argument that your "recipe" is a total debate with your thoughts, just wearing a different colored hat. But in the end, if this helps you frame the "disengagement" process and gives you some firm ground to stand on when you do the scary thing, then have at it! For others, a quick reality check as described in the post might get the job done.
lol I do sometimes do the I’m okay I’m okay mantra or the I’m my own safe person over and over again till I realize I don’t need to do that at all because I know I’ve always been alright…because in reality I’ve never had anything happen to me because of anxiety except being uncomfortable which sucks but it doesn’t hurt and it never will and I need to alway remember that without making it into a mantra lol
Don't worry about doing it perfectly I'd say. Most of us likely cut a corner or two. As long as the job gets done and the corner cutting isn't turning into a stopper for progress.
At first I thought I was kinda cutting around my exposure’s till I realize before this took effect in my life I always was the person to say nah I’ll stay home or I don’t feel like doing that lol so when I thought I was trying to run from doing something I’m like wait before I wouldn’t do anything i didn’t want to because I didn’t want to not because of fear but because I just don’t want too lol so I’m being easy on myself to not over do things I truly don’t want to and that’s okay. And in the process of that I don’t overthink it well I try not to because it’s a decision I made at the moment and life goes on.
Haha yeah I guess you could say that! The raw instruction to cure anxiety is pretty much "do nothing" but that only mean something once we elaborate and add nuance.
In the end I belive in a broad discussion and different ways of describing the process. And that's really a bit of what's going on in the anxious morning! 👍
Different roads up the same mountain and all that!
Needed this , this morning it’s difficult for me to make plan exposures everyday so I do every day life as if I don’t have a disorder it’s uncomfortable but I don’t resist the fear of it and do it possibly White knuckling through it I guess. but this lesson I can put in action when those thoughts come, and I’m learning not to be so hard on myself when I don’t do things I truly don’t feel like doing. thank you 💕
I see another book coming out of your daily newsletters! It would be awesome to have all of these golden nuggets packaged into a book. 🙏🏻❤️
Uhm ... stay tuned .... ;-)
Yes! My therapist says, first time they show up, bring them to reality and fact check. Look for evidence. If they keep coming up and what if ing then do not engage, you’ll never win the argument.
Excellent answer to the question I had about this technique. Thank you!
Great reinforcement Drew! It’s automatic that we want to argue with ourselves. I did so much in the beginning but soon realized it was making things worse. Now I just allow thoughts to float in and out sometimes even giggling at how unrealistic they are. It gets easier with day practice. Love you Big Guy!
Isn't using past experiences just another form of debate? I mean, I could walk barefooted on the sidewalk outside my building to the store a hundred times and nothing happens. This doesn't mean I won't end up with a nail or glass in my foot the 101th time. This is probably what my thought would tell me if I tried handling it in this way.
I'd approach this with threat response education. Understanding the symptoms and why they are there. These pesky thoughts are there to stop you from what you are doing: exposing yourself to what the brain has decided is a threat. I view them as just another symptom like a beating heart or muscle tension. It's all there to motivate you to get the hell out of the situation while priming the body to flee or fight.
These thoughts aren't really your logical, reasoning mind that is presenting a case for you to consider. That part of the brain is in fact shutting down during a strong threat response. As your threat response (anxiety) goes up, your ability to reason goes down. What you are hearing is more of a primal mind process to PUSH you into exiting the situation.
My recipe:
1. The threat response is designed to fight or flee from something in the PHYSICAL world. It's evident when looking at the effects on the body. Let that sink in. It's not designed for fear over a beating heart or walking out to the middle of a big square. So look around you: is there anyone here with a gun? Are you under true threat? If not: reassure yourself that you are in fact 100% safe from THE THING THIS RESPONSE WAS DESIGNED FOR. This alarm going off, is doing so in error, a mistake, call it whatever works for you, but recognize this situation is NOT it.
2. Everything that's happening in the body and mind can be explained. We know a lot about the threat response. Educate up! Really read into it. It's fascinating in fact. It's very comforting being able to point things out during an onset: oh that's that thing and hey there that thing is happening.
3. Now hopefully, you're feeling brave enough to just let anxiety come and go. Including those scary thoughts. Easy situations first, then stepping up the challange.
Drew is welcome to whip my ass if he feels I'm wrong in any of this ;)
PS: this is how I would work with thoughts popping up in the moment of exposure. If the tendency is more to pounder "what if's" before even leaving your home, I'd suggest another approach: write down everything that these thoughts are saying will happen. Write until there is nothing left to write. Then decide to test this and go out doing the exposure at the level you can just about get through. Now come back and check back with that note. What happened? Were these thoughts right, at all?
Repeat this process until you begin to realize, by experience, that these thoughts are no indication of what will happen. I guess this is more in the domain of what Drew is suggesting above ;)
This is why I was really careful to frame this the way I did. It's not a debate to prove the thoughts wrong at all. This precursor step can be a slippery slope because for some, they will automatically turn it into a "I'm OK" mantra, which it is not designed to be at all. So I get what you're saying. For many, there is an insistence that a debate must take place or that an internal debate with thoughts is uncontrollable, so this precursor can be a useful reminder that even when it feels SUPER unsafe or impossible to leave the scary thought alone, reality is on your side so its time to take that leap.
I could make a strong argument that your "recipe" is a total debate with your thoughts, just wearing a different colored hat. But in the end, if this helps you frame the "disengagement" process and gives you some firm ground to stand on when you do the scary thing, then have at it! For others, a quick reality check as described in the post might get the job done.
lol I do sometimes do the I’m okay I’m okay mantra or the I’m my own safe person over and over again till I realize I don’t need to do that at all because I know I’ve always been alright…because in reality I’ve never had anything happen to me because of anxiety except being uncomfortable which sucks but it doesn’t hurt and it never will and I need to alway remember that without making it into a mantra lol
Don't worry about doing it perfectly I'd say. Most of us likely cut a corner or two. As long as the job gets done and the corner cutting isn't turning into a stopper for progress.
At first I thought I was kinda cutting around my exposure’s till I realize before this took effect in my life I always was the person to say nah I’ll stay home or I don’t feel like doing that lol so when I thought I was trying to run from doing something I’m like wait before I wouldn’t do anything i didn’t want to because I didn’t want to not because of fear but because I just don’t want too lol so I’m being easy on myself to not over do things I truly don’t want to and that’s okay. And in the process of that I don’t overthink it well I try not to because it’s a decision I made at the moment and life goes on.
Haha yeah I guess you could say that! The raw instruction to cure anxiety is pretty much "do nothing" but that only mean something once we elaborate and add nuance.
In the end I belive in a broad discussion and different ways of describing the process. And that's really a bit of what's going on in the anxious morning! 👍
Different roads up the same mountain and all that!
Needed this , this morning it’s difficult for me to make plan exposures everyday so I do every day life as if I don’t have a disorder it’s uncomfortable but I don’t resist the fear of it and do it possibly White knuckling through it I guess. but this lesson I can put in action when those thoughts come, and I’m learning not to be so hard on myself when I don’t do things I truly don’t feel like doing. thank you 💕
Love the ending 💙