OK-ness.
I’m not sure if this is even a word, but I’m gonna use it anyway because it’s my newsletter and I can do what I want. For our purposes, we’ll define OK-ness as the state of being … well …OK. I’m quite the wordsmith, aren’t I?
What is conditional OK-ness?
The best way for me to answer that is to give you a little assignment to complete. Think of something you find hard to do because of anxiety. Then finish this sentence:
I can do this hard thing AS LONG AS …..
Whatever comes after “AS LONG AS” is a condition of OK-ness for you. For example, “I can drive by myself as long as I don’t get more than 5 minutes from my house.” This sets a condition on being OK. That condition is staying close to home. A fully recovered person would have no such condition. They would not have have to stay close to home to be OK. In this light we can define recovery as a quest to attain consistent states of unconditional OK-ness.
Is your OK-ness conditional? Think about “normal” everyday activities, situations, and contexts that you really want to be able to engage in and enjoy again. Maybe you’re already engaging in them because you’ve pushed yourself and managed to expand your comfort zone to some degree. If you have, good job! But now think about any conditions that you’ve set on being OK in those situations.
Do you need a safe person with you or nearby?
Do you need water, mints, or sweet snacks?
Do you need to have my podcast playing to be OK?
Do you need to have your essential oils or ice packs at the ready?
Does the temperature have to be in a certain range?
Is there a limit on distance traveled or the number of people at the gathering?
These are typical examples of conditions for OK-ness.
So what can we do with this?
When you can identify your conditional OK-ness, and identify those conditions, you have a new roadmap to follow. Your conditions are now guideposts for you in your recovery. Road signs, if you will. You now know that in order to continue to progress, you must remove those conditions one by one.
At this point you might be cringing and wondering why I am raining on your parade or making things so difficult for you. I’m sorry. I really don’t want to do that, but if we are shooting at complete, lasting, durable recovery that works across multiple contexts in your life, this is the path we must follow. I’m not minimizing the progress you’ve made. You did that! But that progress can be fragile if there are conditions attached. This leaves you vulnerable to that dreaded word … SETBACK! When we build conditional OK-ness we are building an acceptable bubble for ourselves and that bubble is easily popped.
Let me acknowledge that all living creatures have some conditions for OK-ness. Plants are OK as long as there is sunlight and water. Humans are OK as long as there is food and the temperature is under about 110 degrees F. Cats are OK as long as there is a dog to annoy on a daily basis. You get the idea. But if we we want to go all the way in RECOVERY, we cannot be satisfied with conditional OK-ness.
So … is your OK-ness conditional? And if it is, what are you going to do about that?
Have you listened to this week’s episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel.
119. Is Your OK-Ness Conditional?