This is one of those things that comes up fairly regularly in our community. I recognize that no matter how often I try to clarify my role in your recovery, some responsibility does come from being a mental health content creator so I have to take a few hundred words on a Monday morning to address it.
At least a few times every week someone asks me to validate or approve of something they’ve been told by their therapist or counselor.
Sometimes even a therapist that specializes in anxiety disorders might say something that sounds like a contradiction that doesn’t fit the “Drew method” (I CRINGE even writing that). This can happen. I’m not a licensed therapist yet, but I feel comfortable saying that therapists are also human and there is no flowchart that all therapists follow when treating anxiety disorders. It’s not a paint-by-numbers thing so different situations are subject to interpretation and context always matters. This means that sometimes I might say something that seems to contradict your therapist, or your therapist might seem to be contradicting me.
In most cases when context and individual circumstances are looked at, that contradiction makes perfect sense and there’s a perfectly good reason for it. In other instances, more careful examination reveals that there really is no contradiction. Just different words or framing techniques. That’s pretty common. But in every case, the safe, smart move is to prioritize your therapist over me. Your therapist knows you, your individual situation, your history, and the nuances of your case. I am just a guy that writes books and says stuff online. So if you are working with an anxiety disorder specialist and ask me to validate or “check” something that therapist says to you, I really can’t do that. I can’t virtually butt heads with your therapist from an ethical standpoint.
Now let’s look at a different situation. One in which you are working with a therapist, counselor, coach, or some other helper that has no connection at all to a cognitive behavioral approach to anxiety disorders. If you are hoping that a gentler approach to your anxiety will work for you, and you choose a therapist that will be more gentle with you, that is entirely your right and I support that right. You get to decide what is best for you and I do not get judge you for doing so. But if you make this choice then ask me to validate the mode of treatment, you will get radio silence from me. Why? Because I will not invalidate your right to autonomy in your mental health choices and I cannot be some guy on the Internet that argues virtually with the clinician you’ve chosen. That’s not cool at all, and maybe there are other issues at play that I don’t know about so I can’t have an intelligent opinion anyway.
Blanket statement: If you’d heard even a few of my words you likely know that I do not think that running home to soothe when anxious is a good idea so please do not ask me to “give the OK” for you to get better that way.
You have my unconditional OK to make any choice you want to make. That I can totally and happily give you.
Of course, if you want to fire your therapist because they are simply not helping you for some reason and you ask me if that’s OK, I’m going to tell you that its always OK. You can fire your therapist any time for any reason because … autonomy. You can also unsubscribe to The Anxious Morning and stop listening to The Anxious Truth podcast at any time and if you thought that was the best move for you I would cheer for you. Odds are your therapist would do the same even as you fire them.
You always have options. You can always make changes. The people you look to for help and support should help you navigate through those options and changes, not dictate them for you. That includes me.
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
121. My Therapist Said ...