Utter, utter acceptance.
- Dr. Claire Weekes
We hear the words accept and acceptance every day in our community. The idea that we accept our anxiety rather than fighting it or trying to banish it is central in recovery. Do you remember the first time someone told you that you must accept this monster that has been stalking and torturing you? Did you think they were clearly insane to suggest such a thing?
Don’t worry, most people have that reaction initially. It’s pretty common. What’s also pretty common is to see disbelief become enthusiasm as an anxious person learns, absorbs, and begins to realize that the idea of accepting is in fact better than the idea of fighting. As understanding grows, they may take their first steps toward putting acceptance into action. They go toward the things they fear bit by bit, working hard to face the anxiety and move through it. Things begin to change. They get a glimpse of the reality that recovery really is possible using what seemed to be such a crazy idea.
At this point, the idea of acceptance may morph from an anxiety recovery strategy into a general life philosophy. This is where we start to see things get a bit fuzzy, or even go off the rails a bit. When we find things that work for us, give us hope, and make us feel better, we become enamored with them. We look for ways to use them not just in recovery, but EVERYWHERE.
The idea of acceptance is woven into many philosophies that are then woven into the underpinnings of cognitive behavioral therapies like CBT, DBT, and ACT (which even has “acceptance” in it’s name). But this does not mean that the solution to every problem lies in accepting it and floating through it.
When in an abusive relationship where you are being harmed, we do not accept and float through that.
When facing real danger in the form of an assault, attack, or continued harassment, we do not accept and float through that.
When confronted with major life events like the loss of a loved one, we do not attempt to “accept away” the resulting emotions.
When we are confronted with health issues that require us to make lifestyle changes or other accommodations for our own well-being, we do not choose to just accept and float instead.
Sometimes real action and real change are required. Sometimes immediately. And often we are faced with situations that will demand that we feel strong emotions or experience unpleasant or uncomfortable interactions with others. Acceptance is a powerful tool. I do not deny this. But acceptance is not always passive, and acceptance is certainly not a universal strategy for handling all possible situations that life brings our way.
Acceptance is a concept that we will return to now and then on The Anxious Morning. It can be beautifully simple, and also staggeringly nuanced and complex. It requires discussion and examination.
For today, take a few minutes to check your view of acceptance. You may find that you’ve been making some off-target assumptions about what it is, and where it applies on a wide scale.
On Monday we’ll talk about labels, and how sometimes we cling to them.
“The truth is not always beautiful, nor beautiful words the truth.”
- Lao Tzu (translated)
This one I love so much that I have it tattooed on my left forearm.
Every Friday I’ll share one of my favorite quotes. They’ll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they’re just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them.
15. Acceptance Is Not A Universal Life Strategy