I cried when I listened to this. I relate 💯. I am not afraid of dying. I’m tired of the anxiety always being there. You described my situation perfectly. Anxiety is the bad thing. I expose all day long, Go on with my day and bring anxiety along. But I’m exhausted. This was validating. I am so glad you are becoming a therapist. I’m hoping some day I can go back to my practice. For now it’s on hold. Thank you for this one. It spoke to me.
Hey Drew! Thank you for this , over the past few weeks I have been trying to find the words to express how I really feel about my anxiety. I don’t fear dying , just that i have a huge burden of anxiety on me and simply it’s hard to let go and let it happen since i see it as being weak and showing defeat. Now I found out the words to explain to my wife how I actually feel so she can understand me more ! Thank you once again!
Thank you for this episode. I also never have the fear of dying.
Its GAD. Not exposure to a certain thing, its exposure to my sensations every day and dont give them so much attention.
My concern is about making bad decisions out of panic mode/ mainly some exit strategies from work, relationships, holidays...
I always think, that my anxiety wants to show me, that something is to much for me and i need to listen to my body symptoms. I made lots of bad decisions because of this and i just fear, that i am not strong enough to go through theses moments and trust in myself, that they will disappear, also if i dont do anything about it and continue my job, my relationship, my holiday.
My goal is: instead of give up always when i feel anxious and declare myself as too weak to continue my life, to just continue what i want to do.
It is true that the fearful part is incapable of bearing it, but that's far from the whole story.
The last sentence Drew wrote clinches it – "Recovery is about learning that you are capable of handling them now, even if you were told otherwise in the past."
We can and will change our relationship to what's unbearable. It comes in two parts
1. We get capacity to bear more, but that's not the real goal and chasing that is a distraction.
2. The shift that changes everything forever is starting to trust that even if something brings up a very uncomfortable body sensation that some part of your mind *interprets* as unbearable, the truth is you are bearing it.
I stand on the pillar that whatever my body chooses to feel is bearable. My being never ever gives me more than I'm ready to bring into wholeness and integration.
Intense body sensations sometimes have a fearful part of you react and spin up a fear story that justifies your right to feel this way. The thing is though, you do not need justification, so let that grasping go.
What we hope to happen is for that fearful part that's incapable of bearing this to shift and hopefully transcend to a more aligned and functional perspective. That is a good thing. That is a great thing, actually.
I trust that even though the fearful part can't bear whatever is going on right now, there are many other parts of us that can. Even if a huge part of you is afraid, find the part of you that isn't.
See if you can imagine a thin wire or thread connecting the wise knowing part and the fearful part, allowing them to finally communicate. Listen for any messages that might pass between them. Or just allow yourself to breathe and let the body do all the work, not stressing to understand anything.
This spoke to me!! I will listen to this over and over again!! I have never thought I would die from panic!! I thought I was all alone on the not fearing it would kill me. I couldn’t show fear and had to “act” strong for so long!! And then panic started. This has been an eye opener this morning!! Thank you so much!!
Thank you, Drew. This is one that is worth listening to a few more times, and then sharing with others. I have a family member who regularly says to me, "...But, you didn't die, right???!!!" This leads me to feeling like a failure over and over again-to the point where I have lessened my contact with this person. It's been almost impossible to get her to understand that this is not an impairment of logic, but rather one of experiences, which can only be changed by other experiences (i.e., handling the panic and coming out okay on the other side). It's so helpful to hear this reiterated, as it's easy to get caught up in the negativity when recovery can take so many months...Thanks for the positive direction on a Monday! Rachel LaFleur
I relate to Vicki’s comment. I don’t avoid doing things; I go through with my day , my errands and my schedule but hate that anxiety hitches a ride. Sometimes I can’t even say why it’s present, just tension and angst, scanning for problems/troubles, ugh!
Good morning drew, I can only relate to the going crazy psychotic break part 😂 but I always Remind myself did it happen and if it was why only pick moments when I’m away from home lol why not at home and why not now instead of only out and away lol I’m getting it my lizard brain is understanding I’m uncomfortable but it’s okay it only lasts a short amount of time and while it’s happening I’m just going to do life.
I so relate to this. I don’t have a fear of dying (from anxiety) or avoid exposure or doing things. The fact that anxiety is there while I’m living my life has been a huge burden to me. I’m upset that when I go to an event, anxiety comes along too, and yes, I see it as a flaw. Being a psychologist doesn’t help either! I do believe that acceptance is the key for me, mixed with a good dose of self-compassion. Thank you, Drew, for your wisdom and insight, that you so generously share. I don’t think I’ve had so many ‘a-ha’ moments as I have listening and reading your words. Love your work 💜.
Thanks for shouting this out Drew, it’s so relevant and reassuring. Very easy to feel smaller/lesser than, invalidated or just lost in the quagmire when most of the mainstream literature on anxiety focusses on symptoms which at the time I knew were somehow linked to what I had, but just couldn’t fully connect to. In fact it was only thanks to one of your acknowledgments (I think in The Anxious Truth book) about being aware there’s other forms of anxiety than just specifically the one you were plagued with (for memory you’d highlighted GAD and Social Anxiety Disorder) and you were very conscious most of your examples revolve around the agoraphobic, panic attack type triggers and symptoms, and therefore your exposures and methodology focus largely around this. You then helpfully went on to say we may need to adapt or tailor our own approach to better suit our specific issues.
I’ve never really thought I was truly going to die or have a heart attack etc, but the anxiety I experience and, as Nicky says below, the fear it keeps happening & will never stop occurring (& being devastated to realise you’ve had it your whole life and never realised except for thinking you’re somehow badly broken without knowing why) can be a daily, crippling experience and constant shadow of dis-ease.
It took a lot of books (and feeling confused or hopeless) for me to finally discover these sections in ‘The Anxious Truth’ and also ‘Seven Percent Slower’ and hear it referenced in one of your Monday Instagram podcasts, for me to have that wonderful ‘Aha, bingo!’ moment. I think I cried at the time, feeling ‘seen’ and acknowledged. Since then I started to tailor my recovery and ‘exposures’ and say to myself, whenever Drew says he needs to do this and that on a daily basis without fail (eg. driving exposure or going into the office) instead I might need to do that (eg. slow down in my daily micro movements) or even NOT do that (eg. not keep everything at home in order perfectly just in case someone visits & they see my real self, or NOT think this particular way before a dreaded meeting comes up) etc. It’s been a long, slow process of adapting and extracting out those elements in your recovery actions that make the biggest difference to my particular GAD/Social issues, and applying the wider general principles, but I’m getting there.
Thank you for seeing me. I have only ever thought I was going to die or have a heart attack as a result of people telling me that's what happens when you have a panic attack. I'd then attribute my feelings to those fears. That's not what it's about for me though. It's the frustration of not being able to control my panic. The fear that this is happening again and I'll never get away from it. The grief that so many times its made my life smaller than it could be. Its so many feelings but I know I'm not going to die. I guess I might say that sometimes to easily explain why I'm so upset. People can understand fear of dying. Fear of feelings though, that's a bit harder to explain.
I cried when I listened to this. I relate 💯. I am not afraid of dying. I’m tired of the anxiety always being there. You described my situation perfectly. Anxiety is the bad thing. I expose all day long, Go on with my day and bring anxiety along. But I’m exhausted. This was validating. I am so glad you are becoming a therapist. I’m hoping some day I can go back to my practice. For now it’s on hold. Thank you for this one. It spoke to me.
Hey Drew! Thank you for this , over the past few weeks I have been trying to find the words to express how I really feel about my anxiety. I don’t fear dying , just that i have a huge burden of anxiety on me and simply it’s hard to let go and let it happen since i see it as being weak and showing defeat. Now I found out the words to explain to my wife how I actually feel so she can understand me more ! Thank you once again!
Thank you for this episode. I also never have the fear of dying.
Its GAD. Not exposure to a certain thing, its exposure to my sensations every day and dont give them so much attention.
My concern is about making bad decisions out of panic mode/ mainly some exit strategies from work, relationships, holidays...
I always think, that my anxiety wants to show me, that something is to much for me and i need to listen to my body symptoms. I made lots of bad decisions because of this and i just fear, that i am not strong enough to go through theses moments and trust in myself, that they will disappear, also if i dont do anything about it and continue my job, my relationship, my holiday.
My goal is: instead of give up always when i feel anxious and declare myself as too weak to continue my life, to just continue what i want to do.
Thats a difficult task for me.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Thank you for this Drew I can relate to every word you say and what everyone has written.
I’m not afraid that anything will happen to me.
I just can only explain it like having TINNITUS, is this sensation and felling anxious and afraid 24/7 with none- stop
GAD???
It is true that the fearful part is incapable of bearing it, but that's far from the whole story.
The last sentence Drew wrote clinches it – "Recovery is about learning that you are capable of handling them now, even if you were told otherwise in the past."
We can and will change our relationship to what's unbearable. It comes in two parts
1. We get capacity to bear more, but that's not the real goal and chasing that is a distraction.
2. The shift that changes everything forever is starting to trust that even if something brings up a very uncomfortable body sensation that some part of your mind *interprets* as unbearable, the truth is you are bearing it.
I stand on the pillar that whatever my body chooses to feel is bearable. My being never ever gives me more than I'm ready to bring into wholeness and integration.
Intense body sensations sometimes have a fearful part of you react and spin up a fear story that justifies your right to feel this way. The thing is though, you do not need justification, so let that grasping go.
What we hope to happen is for that fearful part that's incapable of bearing this to shift and hopefully transcend to a more aligned and functional perspective. That is a good thing. That is a great thing, actually.
I trust that even though the fearful part can't bear whatever is going on right now, there are many other parts of us that can. Even if a huge part of you is afraid, find the part of you that isn't.
See if you can imagine a thin wire or thread connecting the wise knowing part and the fearful part, allowing them to finally communicate. Listen for any messages that might pass between them. Or just allow yourself to breathe and let the body do all the work, not stressing to understand anything.
Thanks for this, Drew. This one was important to me on many levels!
This spoke to me!! I will listen to this over and over again!! I have never thought I would die from panic!! I thought I was all alone on the not fearing it would kill me. I couldn’t show fear and had to “act” strong for so long!! And then panic started. This has been an eye opener this morning!! Thank you so much!!
Thank you, Drew. This is one that is worth listening to a few more times, and then sharing with others. I have a family member who regularly says to me, "...But, you didn't die, right???!!!" This leads me to feeling like a failure over and over again-to the point where I have lessened my contact with this person. It's been almost impossible to get her to understand that this is not an impairment of logic, but rather one of experiences, which can only be changed by other experiences (i.e., handling the panic and coming out okay on the other side). It's so helpful to hear this reiterated, as it's easy to get caught up in the negativity when recovery can take so many months...Thanks for the positive direction on a Monday! Rachel LaFleur
I relate to Vicki’s comment. I don’t avoid doing things; I go through with my day , my errands and my schedule but hate that anxiety hitches a ride. Sometimes I can’t even say why it’s present, just tension and angst, scanning for problems/troubles, ugh!
Just the GAD, I guess ?
Good morning drew, I can only relate to the going crazy psychotic break part 😂 but I always Remind myself did it happen and if it was why only pick moments when I’m away from home lol why not at home and why not now instead of only out and away lol I’m getting it my lizard brain is understanding I’m uncomfortable but it’s okay it only lasts a short amount of time and while it’s happening I’m just going to do life.
I so relate to this. I don’t have a fear of dying (from anxiety) or avoid exposure or doing things. The fact that anxiety is there while I’m living my life has been a huge burden to me. I’m upset that when I go to an event, anxiety comes along too, and yes, I see it as a flaw. Being a psychologist doesn’t help either! I do believe that acceptance is the key for me, mixed with a good dose of self-compassion. Thank you, Drew, for your wisdom and insight, that you so generously share. I don’t think I’ve had so many ‘a-ha’ moments as I have listening and reading your words. Love your work 💜.
Thanks for shouting this out Drew, it’s so relevant and reassuring. Very easy to feel smaller/lesser than, invalidated or just lost in the quagmire when most of the mainstream literature on anxiety focusses on symptoms which at the time I knew were somehow linked to what I had, but just couldn’t fully connect to. In fact it was only thanks to one of your acknowledgments (I think in The Anxious Truth book) about being aware there’s other forms of anxiety than just specifically the one you were plagued with (for memory you’d highlighted GAD and Social Anxiety Disorder) and you were very conscious most of your examples revolve around the agoraphobic, panic attack type triggers and symptoms, and therefore your exposures and methodology focus largely around this. You then helpfully went on to say we may need to adapt or tailor our own approach to better suit our specific issues.
I’ve never really thought I was truly going to die or have a heart attack etc, but the anxiety I experience and, as Nicky says below, the fear it keeps happening & will never stop occurring (& being devastated to realise you’ve had it your whole life and never realised except for thinking you’re somehow badly broken without knowing why) can be a daily, crippling experience and constant shadow of dis-ease.
It took a lot of books (and feeling confused or hopeless) for me to finally discover these sections in ‘The Anxious Truth’ and also ‘Seven Percent Slower’ and hear it referenced in one of your Monday Instagram podcasts, for me to have that wonderful ‘Aha, bingo!’ moment. I think I cried at the time, feeling ‘seen’ and acknowledged. Since then I started to tailor my recovery and ‘exposures’ and say to myself, whenever Drew says he needs to do this and that on a daily basis without fail (eg. driving exposure or going into the office) instead I might need to do that (eg. slow down in my daily micro movements) or even NOT do that (eg. not keep everything at home in order perfectly just in case someone visits & they see my real self, or NOT think this particular way before a dreaded meeting comes up) etc. It’s been a long, slow process of adapting and extracting out those elements in your recovery actions that make the biggest difference to my particular GAD/Social issues, and applying the wider general principles, but I’m getting there.
Thank you for seeing me. I have only ever thought I was going to die or have a heart attack as a result of people telling me that's what happens when you have a panic attack. I'd then attribute my feelings to those fears. That's not what it's about for me though. It's the frustration of not being able to control my panic. The fear that this is happening again and I'll never get away from it. The grief that so many times its made my life smaller than it could be. Its so many feelings but I know I'm not going to die. I guess I might say that sometimes to easily explain why I'm so upset. People can understand fear of dying. Fear of feelings though, that's a bit harder to explain.