When I started my Masters program earlier this year I told you guys that once in a while I’d update you and fill you in on how it’s going, what I’ve been learning, and all that jazz. My grad program is ten weeks on / one week off for two years straight. This week is one of those off weeks so it seemed a good time for a quick update.
The last ten weeks have been spent immersed in the foundational skills and techniques of counseling. If you ever wanted to know why your therapist keeps saying, “What I hear you saying is …”, I can tell you now.
That’s called paraphrasing. Sometimes its summarizing. It’s a thing. Who knew? We often hold that up as a cliche or a bit of a joke, which does make me chuckle, but there’s a good reason why you hear this in therapy sessions quite often. This skill is designed to ensure that your therapist is actually listening to you and understanding you, not just talking at you and trying to solve your problems or tell you what to do.
So next time your therapist repeats what you just said, understand that they are trying to make sure that they are really hearing you, and that the session remains YOU focused, not THEM focused.
I’ve also been thrown into the deep end of something called “informed consent”. This is that thing where you have rights and where there are boundaries that your therapist has to respect when dealing with you. Informed consent is what we call it when your therapist always makes sure that you are aware of your right to confidentiality (and when it may be legally breached), your right to access your own case information, your right to include third parties in your process, your right to revoke that third party access at any time, and your right to dump your therapist and move elsewhere at any time for any reason. Informed consent is important because it keeps both you and your therapist in touch with your rights as a client at all times.
A good therapist will periodically remind you of these rights for your benefit and theirs. Of particular note is that part where you have the right to switch therapists or stop treatment at any time for any reason. I often hear members of our community talking about wanting to find a new therapist, but finding it difficult to say that. Trust me on this. If your therapist is doing their job right, they will understand and accept this, and they will handle their own emotions (which they are entitled to) on their own without making you responsible for them. Please keep this in mind.
There are a bunch of other foundational skills and techniques that I’ve been exposed to over the last ten weeks that I will continue to work on as I continue in my program and into my clinical hours. I’ll touch on those from time to time, but I did want to make a quick mention of those long, awkward silences that sometimes happen in therapy. That’s on purpose. It’s also a thing. When your therapist sits silently while you fidget and struggle for words, they are trying to give you space and encouragement to think a bit more and dig a bit more to gain clarity about what you’re trying to express. So when you’re uncomfortable and looking for words …. good job. Sometimes you’re supposed to be looking for words. Keep that in mind too.
At some point I want to talk about cultural differences and cultural sensitivity in therapy and counseling. It’s a huge topic, and rightly so. We don’t have room for that in today’s edition of The Anxious Morning, but I promise to come back to that one too at some point.
Finally, the more I learn, the more I feel compelled to point out the differences between social media and therapy, and the difference between coaches and qualified mental health professionals. There ARE differences, and they matter. We’ll get to that on another day as well.
So if you have any questions about any of this, or just want to tell me that you either enjoy or don’t enjoy this kind of content, feel free to use the comments section on Substack to start a conversation.
But I may reply with, “What I hear you saying is ….”
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
152. Update From A Therapist In Training