I'm so sorry for your loss & the guilt. Talk to Beth now, pray for her & let her know you are sorry. I've managed to push myself out the door for more of the bad times than good, but I think how awful that I didn't celebrate with them. The celebrations I've realized are just as important. I just always put my efforts towards the bad times since many times fewer show up, but that was me trying my best to be a good & responsible friend & family member with a huge anxiety/panic monkey on my back.
Even though I know you know what its like and have experienced what I/we have experienced, this says it all. Thank you for having the courage to share, that says it all as well.
This couldn’t have come at a more poignant time in my life. My grandfather is not much longer for this world and he lives 1500 miles away from me. I am so desperate to get out there to see him in person before he leaves forever and it feels like such a nightmare. I feel like I’ll never be able to make it to him in time.
really sorry that you haven’t overcome it yet, I’m sure you will. You deserve it, please take into consideration that you were struggling son hard! I’m sure that if Beth had known, she would have understood perfectly.
If it makes you feel better, I need to tell
You my story, very briefly.
1 month ago my brother passed away. I knew he wasn’t feeling very good. So I tried to spend the most possible time with him besides my anxiety, and you know who was my inspiration, my teacher, my therapist, my inspiration, my support, my guru, my strength DREW LINSALATA!!!!
I won the war against anxiety because of you! And now I’m free of regrets, I lived the most beautiful days with my beloved brother only because of you!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. It hits home and really gives me a kick. Your honesty and ability to be vulnerable is inspiring. Beth forgives u I am sure. X
Oh Drew, I’m so sorry you have this regret in your life. The pain is evident in your telling. I can imagine this was difficult to share and sad to revisit. Thank you for sharing it and this post explains so much. I’m a recent listener, but once I found you, I “binge-listened “ to all TAT podcasts to catch up. I’ve said before I like your no nonsense and no bullshit approach. The place of hitting bottom and finally reaching ENOUGH.
F*** IT, I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO ON LIKE THIS. As another listener mentioned, when you knew better you did better. Thanks so much for what you do and share with us. You get it… you’ve been through the fire and came out the other side.
It is so kind of you to share such a personal story. I think we will all gain something by hearing it. I am so consumed with my physical symptoms that I have become emotionally numb. I regret it SO much. One of my grandkids came for the summer, all the way from FL ( I live in CA), and I did not enjoy the visit. I was grouchy and consumed with my own crap…. I feel like such a failure. Everyone kept saying how lucky I was to have time with him and I’d just paste on that fake smile and nod knowing deep down I didn’t feel lucky…. All I could think was “what is WRONG with me?” I regret it and fear I will end up regretting more if I don’t get this under control soon…. I’m doing more, but still don’t feel more, if that even makes sense?…my brain keeps screaming if ONLY the dizziness would go we’d be fine…. But I’m starting to doubt that….
😢crying. I could have flown out to S. Carolina after my dad died suddenly from a heart attack, I was going to do it, but no one would go with me. I wasn't even at the worst of the anxiety. Maybe it was more than just anxiety. I didn't know my dad's wife well AT ALL, so flying alone to deal with something so horrific with someone I barely knew....just seemed unbearable. The guilt and shame. His wife made me feel like it was ok, that she could handle it with her family, but man...If only I could have been GROWN UP about it. She said she would hold onto his ashes for me and a few things. Little did I know the history of that family and little did I know she would die before I was able to get to Florida where she had moved. Ashes missing, her sons being secretive, no one cooperating, no one communicating.....This part is not my fault. The family has a history of being grifters, greedy, selfish, scam artists.... dangerous people....they got all my dad's stuff, including money my dad wanted me to have. If I had just gone right after he died I would have gotten his ashes and some belongings. But maybe that's not even it exactly, maybe I feel guilty for not helping her after he died. Then her sister and niece judging me for not going out right away.....
Then the same thing when my brother died suddenly....I couldn't deal. Didn't fly. His girlfriend had to do most of it, and my mom helped from afar....Nothing went "normal" in these situations. I wasn't the person I used to be. Anxiety, grief, trauma.....I couldn't function.😢
Wow how compelling. Don't beat yourself up over this... Beth now knows your suffering and knows you were struggling at the time. What you do is so important. I have had two bouts of anxiety in my life. I listen to you every morning. I find it very helpful. I have listened to MANY of your podcasts. You don't even know how much they have helped me. Dr. Sally Winston one of my fav's. Your tribe who have told their stories. These stories have made me cry and laugh because I can relate. But they have helped me so much to get past anxiety. I still struggle a bit but I am nearly free of it. Gosh I HATE anxiety too. And it will not defeat me nor control my life. Thank you Drew. You have helped me so much. Beth in the Midwest
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. You have been a significant resource in my recovery that has had a tremendous positive impact in my life. I had Been in therapy off and on for years. My therapist uses ERP but for some reason I couldn’t get it. Until…I found you and your resources. Everything changed. My therapist noticed too. It’s been the hardest work I’ve ever done. But the most rewarding! I also realized I have unresolved trauma but it’s all coming together now. I’m sorry you have regrets. Give yourself some grace. Im grateful you are on the planet 🎈
SO many thoughts come to mind while listening to this post. Thank you, Drew. I'm so grateful that you shared this extremely personal story. But, I can hear the abject pain in your voice, and I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that.
The quote from Maya Angelou comes to mind: "You did the best that you could at the time. Then, when you knew better, you did better." I can absolutely relate to your sorrow. I hear you. So many things are lost with panic and agoraphobia. But, you lost one of the most precious things in life-the ability to stand up fully for someone whom you cared for-which was NOT totally in your control-even as you seem to be alluding that it was, in this podcast. I see you. However, I can't help thinking that if your friend knew you so well, it's very likely that she knew that you wanted to be there, but couldn't. She probably did not base her love for you on those times, but more likely on all of the wonderful times that you had together prior to your and her illnesses. Typically, close and loving friends enjoy reminiscing about all of the happy things that bind them to others---not their friends' deficits.
Being that you both were suffering from very serious illnesses, I am guessing that she also found grace and understanding for you-even in your absence. I acknowledge how awful and heart-wrenching it must still feel to have endured a loss like that, and know that you were not in complete control of your body and couldn't get to her. I still see you. This inability is ENRAGING. But, I encourage you to try to give yourself some grace and forgiveness alongside of those feelings. Your relationship with her should not be remembered only for the worst moments, but rather for the aggregate of what it represented to you both over time.
Each day you remind all of us that we are not to be blamed, shamed or to feel guilty for being where we are. I take this to heart and I hope that you will take your own advice. Be gentle with yourself and over time, the raw details of this story may soften a bit, and you will come to be at peace with what happened. You did the best that you could...
This is the best thing you've ever written. You've written so much to show us you know what we go through, but this is the most difficult thing we go through. And we all do if we're honest. This is the stuff that tortures me or has tortured me, and it really makes a difference to know it's happened to you too. Thank you for this. And thank you for turning something so painful and so cruel in what it denies into something so loving and so helpful.
This hit home Drew! I love when you do that. My baby girl gets married in October. wedding stuff activities parties and I feel no excitement or joy because I’m struggling with my own health issues anxiety and MR cancer. But I’m determined to partake anxiety or not! Keep encouraging the community you are touching and helping many lives. Love you Big Guy
I'm so sorry for your loss & the guilt. Talk to Beth now, pray for her & let her know you are sorry. I've managed to push myself out the door for more of the bad times than good, but I think how awful that I didn't celebrate with them. The celebrations I've realized are just as important. I just always put my efforts towards the bad times since many times fewer show up, but that was me trying my best to be a good & responsible friend & family member with a huge anxiety/panic monkey on my back.
Even though I know you know what its like and have experienced what I/we have experienced, this says it all. Thank you for having the courage to share, that says it all as well.
This couldn’t have come at a more poignant time in my life. My grandfather is not much longer for this world and he lives 1500 miles away from me. I am so desperate to get out there to see him in person before he leaves forever and it feels like such a nightmare. I feel like I’ll never be able to make it to him in time.
Dear Drew, thank you for sharing this, I’m
really sorry that you haven’t overcome it yet, I’m sure you will. You deserve it, please take into consideration that you were struggling son hard! I’m sure that if Beth had known, she would have understood perfectly.
If it makes you feel better, I need to tell
You my story, very briefly.
1 month ago my brother passed away. I knew he wasn’t feeling very good. So I tried to spend the most possible time with him besides my anxiety, and you know who was my inspiration, my teacher, my therapist, my inspiration, my support, my guru, my strength DREW LINSALATA!!!!
I won the war against anxiety because of you! And now I’m free of regrets, I lived the most beautiful days with my beloved brother only because of you!!!!
I will be in debt with you always 🤍✨✨✨
Thank you so much for sharing this. It hits home and really gives me a kick. Your honesty and ability to be vulnerable is inspiring. Beth forgives u I am sure. X
Oh Drew, I’m so sorry you have this regret in your life. The pain is evident in your telling. I can imagine this was difficult to share and sad to revisit. Thank you for sharing it and this post explains so much. I’m a recent listener, but once I found you, I “binge-listened “ to all TAT podcasts to catch up. I’ve said before I like your no nonsense and no bullshit approach. The place of hitting bottom and finally reaching ENOUGH.
F*** IT, I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO ON LIKE THIS. As another listener mentioned, when you knew better you did better. Thanks so much for what you do and share with us. You get it… you’ve been through the fire and came out the other side.
I look forward to your posts every weekday.
God Bless and Take Care. 🙏
It is so kind of you to share such a personal story. I think we will all gain something by hearing it. I am so consumed with my physical symptoms that I have become emotionally numb. I regret it SO much. One of my grandkids came for the summer, all the way from FL ( I live in CA), and I did not enjoy the visit. I was grouchy and consumed with my own crap…. I feel like such a failure. Everyone kept saying how lucky I was to have time with him and I’d just paste on that fake smile and nod knowing deep down I didn’t feel lucky…. All I could think was “what is WRONG with me?” I regret it and fear I will end up regretting more if I don’t get this under control soon…. I’m doing more, but still don’t feel more, if that even makes sense?…my brain keeps screaming if ONLY the dizziness would go we’d be fine…. But I’m starting to doubt that….
I hear your regret in your voice!
I am sorry!
The information you are sharing will help others to not have the same experience!!
Thank you!
😢crying. I could have flown out to S. Carolina after my dad died suddenly from a heart attack, I was going to do it, but no one would go with me. I wasn't even at the worst of the anxiety. Maybe it was more than just anxiety. I didn't know my dad's wife well AT ALL, so flying alone to deal with something so horrific with someone I barely knew....just seemed unbearable. The guilt and shame. His wife made me feel like it was ok, that she could handle it with her family, but man...If only I could have been GROWN UP about it. She said she would hold onto his ashes for me and a few things. Little did I know the history of that family and little did I know she would die before I was able to get to Florida where she had moved. Ashes missing, her sons being secretive, no one cooperating, no one communicating.....This part is not my fault. The family has a history of being grifters, greedy, selfish, scam artists.... dangerous people....they got all my dad's stuff, including money my dad wanted me to have. If I had just gone right after he died I would have gotten his ashes and some belongings. But maybe that's not even it exactly, maybe I feel guilty for not helping her after he died. Then her sister and niece judging me for not going out right away.....
Then the same thing when my brother died suddenly....I couldn't deal. Didn't fly. His girlfriend had to do most of it, and my mom helped from afar....Nothing went "normal" in these situations. I wasn't the person I used to be. Anxiety, grief, trauma.....I couldn't function.😢
Thank you is not enough for sharing your heart and soul. But…
Thank you just the same
for sharing your heart and soul.
This is how I am learning life too.
From my ❤️To yours
Wow how compelling. Don't beat yourself up over this... Beth now knows your suffering and knows you were struggling at the time. What you do is so important. I have had two bouts of anxiety in my life. I listen to you every morning. I find it very helpful. I have listened to MANY of your podcasts. You don't even know how much they have helped me. Dr. Sally Winston one of my fav's. Your tribe who have told their stories. These stories have made me cry and laugh because I can relate. But they have helped me so much to get past anxiety. I still struggle a bit but I am nearly free of it. Gosh I HATE anxiety too. And it will not defeat me nor control my life. Thank you Drew. You have helped me so much. Beth in the Midwest
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. You have been a significant resource in my recovery that has had a tremendous positive impact in my life. I had Been in therapy off and on for years. My therapist uses ERP but for some reason I couldn’t get it. Until…I found you and your resources. Everything changed. My therapist noticed too. It’s been the hardest work I’ve ever done. But the most rewarding! I also realized I have unresolved trauma but it’s all coming together now. I’m sorry you have regrets. Give yourself some grace. Im grateful you are on the planet 🎈
SO many thoughts come to mind while listening to this post. Thank you, Drew. I'm so grateful that you shared this extremely personal story. But, I can hear the abject pain in your voice, and I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that.
The quote from Maya Angelou comes to mind: "You did the best that you could at the time. Then, when you knew better, you did better." I can absolutely relate to your sorrow. I hear you. So many things are lost with panic and agoraphobia. But, you lost one of the most precious things in life-the ability to stand up fully for someone whom you cared for-which was NOT totally in your control-even as you seem to be alluding that it was, in this podcast. I see you. However, I can't help thinking that if your friend knew you so well, it's very likely that she knew that you wanted to be there, but couldn't. She probably did not base her love for you on those times, but more likely on all of the wonderful times that you had together prior to your and her illnesses. Typically, close and loving friends enjoy reminiscing about all of the happy things that bind them to others---not their friends' deficits.
Being that you both were suffering from very serious illnesses, I am guessing that she also found grace and understanding for you-even in your absence. I acknowledge how awful and heart-wrenching it must still feel to have endured a loss like that, and know that you were not in complete control of your body and couldn't get to her. I still see you. This inability is ENRAGING. But, I encourage you to try to give yourself some grace and forgiveness alongside of those feelings. Your relationship with her should not be remembered only for the worst moments, but rather for the aggregate of what it represented to you both over time.
Each day you remind all of us that we are not to be blamed, shamed or to feel guilty for being where we are. I take this to heart and I hope that you will take your own advice. Be gentle with yourself and over time, the raw details of this story may soften a bit, and you will come to be at peace with what happened. You did the best that you could...
Thank you for being you❤️
This is the best thing you've ever written. You've written so much to show us you know what we go through, but this is the most difficult thing we go through. And we all do if we're honest. This is the stuff that tortures me or has tortured me, and it really makes a difference to know it's happened to you too. Thank you for this. And thank you for turning something so painful and so cruel in what it denies into something so loving and so helpful.
This hit home Drew! I love when you do that. My baby girl gets married in October. wedding stuff activities parties and I feel no excitement or joy because I’m struggling with my own health issues anxiety and MR cancer. But I’m determined to partake anxiety or not! Keep encouraging the community you are touching and helping many lives. Love you Big Guy