This may seem familiar to you.
You have been working on your recovery. Meeting challenges. Doing things you’re afraid to do. You’re making progress. At some point you tackle something that seems really hard. You’re certain that you can’t do this thing but …. you do it! You feel anxious and afraid and uncomfortable, but you allow it, relax into it, let it happen, and come out the other side. So exciting, right? When you’re done, you’re pumped up and feeling great about yourself and so happy that you met the challenge and saw how capable you are.
AMAZING!!!
Now let’s fast forward a month or two. Another “HUGE” challenge is in front of you. This one seems really impossible. You have not done anything this big in years! How are you ever going to get through it? How will you handle it? It feels like it will be too much, too soon. You’re not ready! Maybe you should cancel or otherwise bail out!!!!!
You begin to anticipate the nightmare, building all kinds of worst case scenarios in your head about melting down, snapping, being unable to control yourself, ruining everything for the people you are with, and generally falling into an bottomless pit of fear, anxiety, and despair. As the challenge draws closer, these thoughts increase in intensity and frequency. Your brain is telling you that you should absolutely NOT do this because all the bad things are likely to happen and that you are crazy for even considering trying.
You latch on to this narrative and start to frantically seek “tips” and “encouragement” from your support system in an effort to calm yourself or convince yourself that you can do this. You need SOMETHING or SOMEONE to tell you with absolutely certainty that you are going to get through this and that you will be OK because you can’t seem to believe it yourself.
But wait a minute. Look what’s happening here. Remember that amazing accomplishment from a couple of months back? Remember the thing you thought you could not and should not do that you actually did. Remember how you were afraid and anxious and uncomfortable but handled it and wound OK in the end even when you didn’t feel OK?
Remember that? No, you don’t. You’ve totally buried that memory and that experience. It doesn’t matter any more because anxiety only wants to know, “What have you done for me lately?”
When you are in fear mode, driven only by anxiety and discomfort and the frantic need to soothe yourself, you will forget ALL the good stuff that you’ve already done. You’ll discount your own experiences. They are PROOF that you can handle things, but you will ignore that and plead for proof and assurance from outside sources. YOU did it, but now that doesn’t matter because you are choosing current fear over past experience. You don’t mean to do that, but you do it anyway. You may not even be aware that you’re doing it.
But now you are. So what can you do with this awareness? In my Facebook group I often ask people to back and review their old “victory” posts. Go look at what you actually did two months back when you were so sure that you couldn’t. I’ve also written about keeping a success journal. Short entries that all end with … “I did it and nothing bad happened”. That can be such a useful tool in the situation I’m describing now.
When anxiety wants to totally disregard everything except current distress, being able to access your own experiences with positive outcomes can bring balance to the force and allow you to put a little space between you and the frantic fear. That can make a big difference! But since your brain is totally focused on how you feel RIGHT NOW, you’re gonna need a little help to do this.
Reviewing old posts and going through your success journal can be that help. Sometimes it can help to get your support system primed to throw those old “wins” in your face when you need it.
“Hey guys. I’m freaking out. Can you remind me of what happened the last time I went through this?”
That can be be super useful. And no, that’s not seeking reassurance. If I remind you that you have done ten hard things in the last ten months, that’s not me telling you that you will be OK. That’s me putting you back in touch with your OWN EXPERIENCE that provides internally generated evidence that you can handle whatever happens.
So next time anxiety drags you around through what it insists is an immediate disaster and only wants to know “What have you done for me lately?”, whip out your success journal and whack your lizard brain over the head with it. Then give it the finger and be reminded of the fact that you CAN.
Have you listened to this week’s episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel.
161. "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"