If anyone had told me how much time I’d be spending fielding questions about coffee and alcohol, I would have thought them to be completely insane. Yet here I am, talking about coffee and alcohol. Who knew this was going to be a thing? I’m joking a bit. I certainly don’t mind talking about it. We’ve never covered this topic on The Anxious Morning so let’s do that now.
I know that standard advice when it comes to anxiety is to “cut out caffeine and alcohol”! It’s one of the first things that people are told. It seems like common sense, doesn’t it?
“Coffee makes me anxious!”
“Alcohol makes me anxious!”
People treat these statements as statement of absolute fact that cannot be disputed or discussed. Three things are certain in life. Death. Taxes. And coffee and alcohol make people anxious. But really, do they? Do coffee and alcohol make you anxious or do they change the way you feel? When you’re totally focused on every thought, emotion, sensation, and change of state is the coffee that raises your heart rate the problem, or is that obsessive inward focus and constant monitoring? I might argue that brains can develop bad habits and sometimes when they do, coffee and alcohol take the blame.
At first when I say this, I get lots of pushback because … death, taxes, and so forth and so on. But once the concept becomes familiar and starts to sink in, people begin to get it. And when they get it, they have a light bulb moment where they can see that not only should they maybe consider that they can have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine sometimes, but that these might actually be exposures.
“I haven’t had a glass of wine in three years and I really miss it. Would it be considered an exposure if I had one tonight?”
It sure would!
I’m not telling anyone to drown themselves in alcohol or coffee for the sake of recovery. Too much of anything is bad. We know this. But if you find that you are missing your morning cup of coffee or your evening glass of wine now and then and want to re-introduce them into your life, then you can totally see this - and use this - as an opportunity to practice tolerating, surrendering, accepting, floating, or whatever you like to call it.
Remember, the exposure is not the place or the task. Those are just triggers we use intentionally. The exposure is always the feeling. The symptoms. The scary thoughts. Those are the source of your fear. So if driving to the supermarket can be an exposure because your heart races when you do that, then drinking a cup of coffee is also an exposure for the exact same reason. It’s totally fine to view it and use it that way. In fact, it kinda blends life and recovery, which I am always happy to see.
Just keep a few things in mind when it comes to alcohol and caffeine exposures.
You WILL feel different. But that’s the point. The first time you have coffee after a long layoff you may or may not enjoy it at face value. That’s OK. Just know that it will make you feel different and remember that you are doing that on purpose. Do not be surprised when that glass of wine makes you feel “weird”. Expect it.
Once you drink it, the deed is done. There is no point in drinking your coffee then trying to use all your “tools” to slow your heart rate and calm down. When you feel the things and get afraid, remember that you’ll just have to ride it out. Let time pass. Caffeine and alcohol do not last forever in your body. The effects will fade. Your job in this exposure is to allow that process to run its course without trying to make it stop. Expect this too.
Like anything else in this process, the first time you do it will likely be the scariest and hardest. That’s OK. You might not love your the coffee of the adult beverage the first time out, but do not let this discourage you. Don’t declare failure. Remember why you’re doing it and what the process is going to look like. Over time many many anxious people return to both caffeine and alcohol, no longer fearing them and regaining the ability to enjoy them both in a healthy way.
So if you’re thinking about firing up the Keurig because you miss the smell and the taste …. have at it. You might learn something in the process.
It’s a holiday in the US today so I am … OMG … taking the day off. That means no live stream today, but you can find all my old Recovery Monday videos in one playlist on my YouTube channel. I hope you enjoy them.
163. Alcohol And Caffeine As Exposure Tools