Last week we talked about the fact that you can’t just decide to not care about your anxiety and how it feels. Today I want to touch on a related idea. The idea of ignoring your anxiety. I think many people are misinterpreting this, so let’s spend a few minutes in an attempt to get some clarity here.
I really don’t like using the word ignore when it comes to anxiety, but many people are hearing that anyway, so let’s examine it.
Ignore is a verb. It’s an action. Something you choose to do, then you do it. There is no particular state of being or feeling attached to this verb. It is not automatically linked to any particular outcome. Yet anxious people often misinterpret this action and either assume or hope that the action will bring about a particular state. In most cases that state involves being calm or less afraid. An anxious person desperate for relief will listen to my podcast or consume my social media content and conclude that I am telling them to ignore this monster that is attacking them, which seems impossible to do. Then they try, but within minutes they discover that the monster is still there. The logical conclusion is that it really is impossible to ignore something so strong and powerful.
Let’s go back to the idea that ignore is a verb. Engaging in the act of ignoring something starts with two things:
An acknowledgement that something you do not like exists, and is pressing on you in some way.
An acknowledgement that you can’t make it stop through force, reason, or logic, so you must find another way to deal with it.
Let’s apply this to being in an anxious state driven by fear or uncertainty. First, acknowledge that you are feeling things. You are having thoughts, feeling sensations, and experiencing fear, agitation, or any number of related states. Next, you know that trying to run from it, force it to stop, or to talk yourself out of that state has not been terribly effective because it either does not work in that moment, or only works for a short while before you start the cycle again.
Now that we have our two prerequisites taken care of, it’s time to get down to the business of actually ignoring.
The act of ignoring anxiety simply means making the choice to NOT engage with it. Engagement means actively trying to escape, fight, soothe, or otherwise attempting to mitigate the discomfort and distress you are experiencing. Look at all those actions you’ve been taking that never work. Ignoring just means dropping those actions, and choosing a different one. That being, dropping all those actions. Somewhat self-referencing, isn’t it? But as silly as this may sound, that’s what ignoring anxiety is all about.
Recognize where you are, recognize that actively trying to fix things isn’t working, then choose to stop trying. That’s ignoring anxiety. It kinda sounds a whole lot like another word I like to use.
Surrender.
Ignore is really just another word for surrender.
Here’s the important part. When you ignore that anxious, fearful state, you cannot expect that this itself will be a mitigation tool. We do not ignore to change our state of being. We ignore to learn that we are capable of ignoring and tolerating that state of being. If you try to ignore your anxiety and you wind up feeling anxious, afraid, and vulnerable … correct. That’s what ignoring it will do. Ignoring anxiety is a navigation strategy, not an eradication strategy. We ignore to find our courage and uncover our strength and our ability.
We ignore, not to learn that we can escape from anxiety, but to learn that we do not need to. We ignore, not to kill or destroy anxiety, but to learn experientially that it cannot kill or destroy us even when we’ve been sure that it can.
So when you want to yell at me that you can’t ignore your anxiety, I will remind you that what you are really saying is that you are not capable of handling the experience you are having, even though reality keeps showing us that you clearly are. You are saying that you would rather do it another way even when that other way is proving to be ineffective.
I know that ignoring your anxiety may seem impossible or even ridiculous to suggest But take a little time and think about ignoring as a verb, not a state of being. Ignoring is just a different action that you can take when anxious. Not to feel better, but as a step toward GETTING better, which is really what I’m talking about all the time.
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
171. Ignoring Your Anxiety?