Wow, Bethany, how did you literally read my mind, could we be twins?!🤣 So many of the standard accounts of anxiety disorders make reference to the ‘old me’ or the ‘before anxiety hit’ time… which for ages had left me feeling isolated, helpless or misunderstood in my anxiety self-diagnosis. The sad realisation that I had no personal historical reference point like most others seemed to, and the horror of realising the sole extent of my personality and character was perhaps just a big ball of anxiety-induced, subconscious action, reactions, avoidance and other complex hidden protective behaviours. Perhaps in fact I had no personality or character at all. Like a blank white canvas covered with messy black scribbles. Luckily I’ve committed to doing lots of self-micro behaviour analysis and self-examination to identify ‘who really am I?’ which is helping. So your words here have huge significance for those like me who’ve been carrying this burden for decades since birth or very early childhood.
I must also thank you for your absolutely wonderful, impactive words in Drew’s excellent book ‘The Anxious Truth’ (pages 126-8 to be specific!) on Social Anxiety. Up until reaching that point, I understood Drew and his recovery advice. And valued it. It was the best I’d read and the closest I could see as a possible solution to my problems. But I couldn’t always fully relate to his triggers and exposures to solving my specific, as-yet unidentified form of anxiety (until encountering references to these ‘other’ forms of Anxiety in his podcasts). Then I got to page 125 in the book, read three pages, and literally burst into floods of tears less than 3 paragraphs in. Tears of sheer relief that someone finally understood, knew what I was dealing with. And had been dealing with my entire life without having known what it was. Just that I was, and felt, very different from, and less than, everyone else. Because this was a person who had dealt with similar, and could articulate her experiences in a way I related to. I can’t explain how much of a breakthrough moment that was for me. Just knowing someone else ‘got it’. And importantly this person was confirming that it was possible to turn things around, to recover from this seeming lifelong curse.which gave me hope, and new identity that I wasn’t alone in my battle. And some of your inputs on Drew’s Monday Instagram sessions have directly hit the mark with me also. I feel I’m still a long way off recovery, due to the complex manner in which my triggers/symptoms manifest themselves so think it will be a long ride yet, but wanted to thank you Bethany for helping pave the way for one of the most important stepping stones in my recovery journey. So happy you’re on Drew’s A-team😁
I remember thinking to myself, I wish this person lived closer to London in fact if she were a therapist I’d prob. happily book an appt/flight to see her in US!
Thanks Theresa . I’ve been diagnosed this year with ASD and last year adhd , and appreciate that anxiety may always be part of my make up , but get that it’s also
Part of many peoples . It’s been two years of this feeling , along with two years also trying to slowly come off of an anti depressant that again is increasing a messy negative and worried mind . I take on board what you say for sure . But. It’s just so hard to see any possitive when 2 years feels like forever and feels like it is forever . Thank you for kind words 🙏
This really spoke to me. Very insightful! I am working on exposure to being outside and not letting sensations send me running back home. I’ve been walking the neighborhood for almost a full week now and I’m feeling empowered by my ability to finish the walk and not turn back. I noticed something kinda strange today. I saw a cactus with a pretty flower coming out of the top of it. (I live in the Central Valley of CA, so this is common). When I saw it I paused mentally.… thinking about how the “old” me would have really focused on it and thought the rest of the walk about that flower and how I would tell and retell the story of this flower…..but why would I have done that?…. I think the anxious me searched out things to focus on instead of all the thoughts that constantly bombarded me. So many things were really just a distraction from ALL those thoughts. The flower was pretty, but I didn’t feel the need to get overly (almost falsely?) excited because I was fine walking and thinking whatever I thought without trying to rush it away with any distraction I could cling to. I think the real me, is a little different for the me dragging herself from one distraction to the next from 2 years ago. Feels good to hear someone acknowledge that I don’t have to be her anymore. There is a better version of me in here. The future looks brighter. I will still notice pretty things on my walks but with the ability to notice and not cling to them and tell myself a distracting story about them and finally be able to just….be. Thanks to you both!
This rings for me . I’ve mentioned before that for the last two years since covid , losing my parents , my business , my friends , I suddenly have been left with daily anxiety . No panic attacks , just a constant horrid feeling . I’m my mind I know or think I know who I was before all of this , but as I think back , I can see that maybe I’ve always had an underlying anxiety issue hidden by work and busyness, and now I’m not busy , the self doubt , the hopelessness , the thoughts , uselessness is so prevalent. My issue is that when I go to do exposures , I become ill, or so my mind tells me . Hot, flue like , achy , confused , and this backs up my self doubt of being broken , and there I find myself stuck again , but a part of me somewhere with in is so angry with myself , for not getting on . Then the negative talk kicks in THIS IS IT , THIS IS YOUR FUTURE … I feel I have one hell of a long way to go , and worry that my mind is slowly tripping me in a deep dark place .
I have had these moments. Heck, I think everyone on here has at one point or another. I hope you don’t mind, I’d like to share something that was pointed out to me not too long ago, and has helped me. It is that I needed to focus on the victories, big or small. For example, a year ago I couldn’t take a shower except a couple times a week because the fear of passing out and dying in the shower was SO real and SO possible to me. Now I shower everyday without even a seconds hesitation and I definitely never go down the “what if?…” hole over the task. Every step toward recovery should be acknowledged. I wasted so much time telling myself about all my failures and forgot to notice I WAS doing so much more. I forgot to see the good coming from every small change. It’s not easy… gosh don’t I know it. But… it IS possible. Keep at it, and stop and notice how far you have come. The story Anxiety tells us is not reality. I can’t even count all the times anxiety encouraged me count out loud and list all the symptoms and reasons I couldn’t do an exposure. I am wishing you the best and the strength to find those moments when you are succeeding. Cling to those and build on them, the successes will add up, I promise you. Be well!
Wow, Bethany, how did you literally read my mind, could we be twins?!🤣 So many of the standard accounts of anxiety disorders make reference to the ‘old me’ or the ‘before anxiety hit’ time… which for ages had left me feeling isolated, helpless or misunderstood in my anxiety self-diagnosis. The sad realisation that I had no personal historical reference point like most others seemed to, and the horror of realising the sole extent of my personality and character was perhaps just a big ball of anxiety-induced, subconscious action, reactions, avoidance and other complex hidden protective behaviours. Perhaps in fact I had no personality or character at all. Like a blank white canvas covered with messy black scribbles. Luckily I’ve committed to doing lots of self-micro behaviour analysis and self-examination to identify ‘who really am I?’ which is helping. So your words here have huge significance for those like me who’ve been carrying this burden for decades since birth or very early childhood.
I must also thank you for your absolutely wonderful, impactive words in Drew’s excellent book ‘The Anxious Truth’ (pages 126-8 to be specific!) on Social Anxiety. Up until reaching that point, I understood Drew and his recovery advice. And valued it. It was the best I’d read and the closest I could see as a possible solution to my problems. But I couldn’t always fully relate to his triggers and exposures to solving my specific, as-yet unidentified form of anxiety (until encountering references to these ‘other’ forms of Anxiety in his podcasts). Then I got to page 125 in the book, read three pages, and literally burst into floods of tears less than 3 paragraphs in. Tears of sheer relief that someone finally understood, knew what I was dealing with. And had been dealing with my entire life without having known what it was. Just that I was, and felt, very different from, and less than, everyone else. Because this was a person who had dealt with similar, and could articulate her experiences in a way I related to. I can’t explain how much of a breakthrough moment that was for me. Just knowing someone else ‘got it’. And importantly this person was confirming that it was possible to turn things around, to recover from this seeming lifelong curse.which gave me hope, and new identity that I wasn’t alone in my battle. And some of your inputs on Drew’s Monday Instagram sessions have directly hit the mark with me also. I feel I’m still a long way off recovery, due to the complex manner in which my triggers/symptoms manifest themselves so think it will be a long ride yet, but wanted to thank you Bethany for helping pave the way for one of the most important stepping stones in my recovery journey. So happy you’re on Drew’s A-team😁
Wow, thank you for these very kind words, Renee. I'm honored that my writing was that impactful to you and helped you feel seen and validated.
I remember thinking to myself, I wish this person lived closer to London in fact if she were a therapist I’d prob. happily book an appt/flight to see her in US!
Thanks Theresa . I’ve been diagnosed this year with ASD and last year adhd , and appreciate that anxiety may always be part of my make up , but get that it’s also
Part of many peoples . It’s been two years of this feeling , along with two years also trying to slowly come off of an anti depressant that again is increasing a messy negative and worried mind . I take on board what you say for sure . But. It’s just so hard to see any possitive when 2 years feels like forever and feels like it is forever . Thank you for kind words 🙏
This really spoke to me. Very insightful! I am working on exposure to being outside and not letting sensations send me running back home. I’ve been walking the neighborhood for almost a full week now and I’m feeling empowered by my ability to finish the walk and not turn back. I noticed something kinda strange today. I saw a cactus with a pretty flower coming out of the top of it. (I live in the Central Valley of CA, so this is common). When I saw it I paused mentally.… thinking about how the “old” me would have really focused on it and thought the rest of the walk about that flower and how I would tell and retell the story of this flower…..but why would I have done that?…. I think the anxious me searched out things to focus on instead of all the thoughts that constantly bombarded me. So many things were really just a distraction from ALL those thoughts. The flower was pretty, but I didn’t feel the need to get overly (almost falsely?) excited because I was fine walking and thinking whatever I thought without trying to rush it away with any distraction I could cling to. I think the real me, is a little different for the me dragging herself from one distraction to the next from 2 years ago. Feels good to hear someone acknowledge that I don’t have to be her anymore. There is a better version of me in here. The future looks brighter. I will still notice pretty things on my walks but with the ability to notice and not cling to them and tell myself a distracting story about them and finally be able to just….be. Thanks to you both!
I'm glad you found my words helpful! I love what you said here.
Fantastic post and very helpful, I love reading all these encouraging "bonbons". Things are said aptly and directly.T helps me a lot ❤❤❤Thank you 👍❤
I'm glad my words were helpful to you!
This rings for me . I’ve mentioned before that for the last two years since covid , losing my parents , my business , my friends , I suddenly have been left with daily anxiety . No panic attacks , just a constant horrid feeling . I’m my mind I know or think I know who I was before all of this , but as I think back , I can see that maybe I’ve always had an underlying anxiety issue hidden by work and busyness, and now I’m not busy , the self doubt , the hopelessness , the thoughts , uselessness is so prevalent. My issue is that when I go to do exposures , I become ill, or so my mind tells me . Hot, flue like , achy , confused , and this backs up my self doubt of being broken , and there I find myself stuck again , but a part of me somewhere with in is so angry with myself , for not getting on . Then the negative talk kicks in THIS IS IT , THIS IS YOUR FUTURE … I feel I have one hell of a long way to go , and worry that my mind is slowly tripping me in a deep dark place .
I have had these moments. Heck, I think everyone on here has at one point or another. I hope you don’t mind, I’d like to share something that was pointed out to me not too long ago, and has helped me. It is that I needed to focus on the victories, big or small. For example, a year ago I couldn’t take a shower except a couple times a week because the fear of passing out and dying in the shower was SO real and SO possible to me. Now I shower everyday without even a seconds hesitation and I definitely never go down the “what if?…” hole over the task. Every step toward recovery should be acknowledged. I wasted so much time telling myself about all my failures and forgot to notice I WAS doing so much more. I forgot to see the good coming from every small change. It’s not easy… gosh don’t I know it. But… it IS possible. Keep at it, and stop and notice how far you have come. The story Anxiety tells us is not reality. I can’t even count all the times anxiety encouraged me count out loud and list all the symptoms and reasons I couldn’t do an exposure. I am wishing you the best and the strength to find those moments when you are succeeding. Cling to those and build on them, the successes will add up, I promise you. Be well!