Last week in my Recovery Monday live stream (you can find those on my YouTube channel) I talked about the misconception of thinking that I’m telling you to learn to “live with it” for the rest of your life. I am NOT EVER saying that.
But as much as that one grinds my gears, the misconception or misinterpretation that occupies the top slot on the list of things that make me crazy is that thing where someone tells me that this all boils down to, “just do it.”
No. That’s not what it boils down to. This is not a Nike commercial. Nothing in life, including running or whatever else Nike thinks you do better in their shoes, ever gets that simple. Recovery from an anxiety disorder is absolutely and certainly not ever “just do it.” When you take the words I say or write and spit them back at me as “just do it”, you are demonstrating one of two things.
The first is a distaste for what you are reading or hearing because I’m saying that you must go toward what you fear.
“Oh, that guy. He thinks you can just do it and be OK.”
When do I ever say that? When have I ever said it was that easy or even that simple? A phrase I use over and over is that this is a simple plan, but really hard to execute. I never use qualifiers like “just” or “all you have to do …”. Not ever. In the best case that’s insensitive and tone deaf. At worst it borders on cruel. Just because you don’t want to do scary things to get better (it’s OK - nobody does) does not mean that you are being told to “just do it”.
The second is a lack of understanding or appreciation of things like theory, context, and nuance. Are you actually listening to the theory behind the practice or are you stopping the minute you hear that you can’t just make it go away? Do you understand WHY I’m telling you that avoidance and escape is making things worse, or are you bailing out the minute you hear that you have to leave your safe person and your weighted blanket behind? I completely understand why this is a difficult message to hear sometimes. Trust me, it’s a very difficult message to deliver over and over because often it gets met with resistance or even aggressive hate. You might go past the initial shock to learn more about what I’m saying then decide that it simply doesn’t work for you. That’s totally fine. Everyone has the right to choose their own path. But there’s a big difference between “I’m not sure that will work for me” and “Oh, he thinks I can just do it.”
I want to take a minute to address the context and nuance I mentioned earlier. There are quite a few variables in the recovery equation. Your past experiences matter. Your overall tolerance for challenge and distress matters. Your self-image and sense of self-efficacy matter. The support you have around you matters. The advice you’ve been given in the past matters. Sometimes your physical or health situation matters. Your family context matters. I can go on and on here. Hopefully you get the idea. People who do what I do have a responsibility to recognize those variables and remember that we are always talking to actual human beings that have their own stories that come to the table with them.
It would be reprehensible and irresponsible for me to portray this in any way that even remotely resembles “just do it” because that throws all that context, history and nuance out the door and strips you down to just another reader or social media follower, which you are not.
Does this journey ultimately involve doing scary and difficult things? It does. Is this generally the same for all of us? It is. But these two statements do not in any way add up to the phrase “just do it”. And if you’re trying to “just do it”, you can stop that because odds are its not working out for you and it might be making you feel like something is really wrong with you at some level. There’s nothing wrong. Nobody can “just do it” here. That’s not what this is about.
OK, that’s enough ranting for today. This has been on my mind for a little while and it felt like a Monday morning was a reasonable time to get it off my chest. Why not start the week with a bang, right?
Thanks for listening and letting me vent a little. Tomorrow we’ll do something more productive.
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
203. Just Do It?