Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. A day dedicated to expressing thankfulness and gratitude for what we have. At least I think that’s what we’re being thankful for. Define “what we have” any way you want to. I think its a really personal thing.
Anyway, when I was really struggling, I hated Thanksgiving. Like really hated it. Mechanically it was a real challenge because all I wanted to do was hide in my comfort spots and do my comfort things because I was decidedly UNcomfortable all the time. The people, the noise, the demand to be social, and the feeling of having no escape were really difficult.
Beyond that, I held a serious resentment when it came to the whole idea of the day. I did not feel at all like I wanted to be thankful because I could see nothing to be thankful for. I felt awful all the time, I was always scared, felt like I was failing, and I was seeing myself as a failure. Hey, sure, let me count my blessings! To be clear, this is not a referendum on the concept of gratitude. I fully understand the role it can play in our lives and even in the recovery process. I also understand that I’ve always had many things to be thankful for, even on my worst days. That is totally true!
The point is that when we are struggling and anxiety and fear are loudly demanding to always be the most important thing in the room, we are easily sucked into our own suffering where there is exactly zero visibility when it comes to how grateful we should be for anything.
People dealing with anxiety disorders can dread days like today often for the reasons I describe here. For many that struggle with hyper-responsibility or the belief that they are in charge of making everyone happy, there can be tremendous pressure that drives even more anxiety and fear. Regardless of what your situation and specific issues may be, today you may be struggling and feeling like you are a million miles away from thankful.
I get it. And you know what? You are not required to be thankful, even today. Just like you’re not required to be happy or joyful on demand. This process is in many ways about making room for those things to re-appear in our lives. They will, but while we are doing the work it’s normal and certainly not failure if you can’t instantly conjure feelings of thanks or gratitude.
Imagine that you’re building a car then trying to drive it to the beach before it has wheels or an engine. It’s kinda like that for some of us depending on where we are in recovery.
Ironically, one day you may very well feel at least some sense of thankfulness for the days where you couldn’t feel thankful. Its strange how that works sometimes.
Today just do the best you can, be nice to yourself because you are choosing to do hard things, and look for lessons and small wins where you can get them. If thankfulness shows up, that’s great. If it doesn’t that’s OK too. Be patient. You’ll get there.
Have you listened to this week’s episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel.
209. When Its Hard To Feel Thankful