Every month I will ask one of my friends and frequent collaborators to write a guest entry for The Anxious Morning. Our first guest writer is my friend Dr. Bridget Cooper. Dr. B was gracious enough to contribute on the topic of acceptance, compassion, and accountability. I hope you enjoy her contribution as much I do.
Acceptance, Compassion, and Accountability
By Dr. Bridget Cooper
Do you ever get frustrated by how recovery advice seems so complicated and full of contradictions?
ACCEPTANCE
Take acceptance, for instance. Drew dropped some truth bombs about it the other day, throwing up caution flags about applying it to everything in our lives. Acceptance does offer some recovery process magic, though!
When we accept that we are exactly where we are, despite our desire to be elsewhere, we can stop investing our limited energy in trying to fight what IS and work toward what CAN BE. But we can’t stop there. Acceptance isn’t the destination; it’s a tool on the road to recovery.
Why might we want to start with acceptance when we are drowning in frustration, sadness, anger, hopelessness, confusion, and uncertainty? Because acceptance opens the door to one of the two biggest tools in our toolkits:
COMPASSION
If I want to change something about myself, I need to be compassionate.
In order to get stronger, I have to commit to being kinder to myself.
More times that I care to admit, when I was in the throes of my own pain journey, I often attacked myself:
“I suck. I’m the worst kind of failure. I’m miserable and I can’t fix it. Everyone else seems to have things figured out, but nothing that works for others works for me. I’m clearly doing it all wrong and I’m permanently broken. I can’t be fixed.”
Maybe you can relate? My self-talk was negative and critical. Honestly, it was downright cruel. Shame-based. Inflammatory. Punishing. And wholly unproductive. What could I have done instead?
Show myself a little compassion. Regard myself as worthy of understanding, of kindness, of empathy. ACCEPT that I am exactly where I am AND be COMPASSIONATE about how crappy that feels and how hard it is to feel all those big, ugly feelings.
Then what? Am I suggesting we stop there and just bathe in self-compassion? Eat bonbons on the couch and lose ourselves in avoiding anything that feels uncomfortable and hard?
Nope.
ACCOUNTABILITY
Compassion’s twin is accountability.
In a recovery process, and in life, compassion and accountability must be in balance. We must hold COMPASSION for where we ARE while simultaneously holding ourselves ACCOUNTABLE to do something to be somewhere better. We have to be willing to be uncomfortable and do things that feel awful, knowing that growth is messy and painful, but so worth it.
The next time you’re feeling those all-too-familiar big, ugly feelings, ask yourself two questions:
1. How can I show myself compassion for how I’m feeling right now?
2. What can I hold myself accountable to do that will move me away from my current situation?
Listen to your answers. Be compassionate enough to feel comforted; accountable enough to take action.
The only surefire way to move from where you are to where you long to be is to:
Accept where you are as what IS.
Show compassion to yourself for the discomfort and distress of that.
Be accountable to yourself to do whatever is necessary to change your circumstances.
Ready? Life’s waiting for you.
Dr. B (aka Dr. Bridget Cooper) is a cage rattler, change strategist, and thought shifter. She’s also a best-selling author of six books on communication, conflict, change, and empowerment. Her latest, “Pain Rebel” offers us a roadmap out of pain with no purpose and into empowerment and abundance. Her ambitious mission is to change the world, one hopeful life at a time. Born onto the welfare system and raised by wolves, she’s made her own success, one broken fingernail at a time.
She knows heartache and hopelessness and she also knows the power of the mind and spirit to carry you upward.
Find Dr B and all her digital goodness at
https://linktr.ee/DrBridgetCooper
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
21. Acceptance, Compassion, and Accountability