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Dec 18, 2022·edited Dec 29, 2022

THANK YOU Drew for addressing this toxic issue! And for validating what has been a lifelong painful journey of discovery for me. I now know shame to be the ultimate cause of my anxiety disorder. And as someone in my late forties is one which I’ve dealt with my entire life (just didn’t know it until reading your books, listening to the Monday Instagram podcasts and The Anxious Morning over the past 18 months).

Reading your (& one of Anxiety Josh’s) books was a ‘bingo’ moment. They helped cement in my mind the WHAT, ie. internal amygdala process causing my perceived dysfunction, and understand the HOW, ie. outside symptoms triggering my internal, physical responses - social anxiety disorder (albeit only in specific, but very significant and necessary circumstances). They allowed me to label this big beast - which I always knew was within me, waiting to cruelly sabotage my life but never knew what it was - simply under the umbrella of ‘anxiety disorder’. This helped enormously. But then I needed to unpick the differences between what Drew was describing compared to my own experiences, as there were notable variances. I generally wasn’t afraid of going outside, of leaving the house. Or driving. Or shopping. Or parties. Or festivals. If I was, it was only minor surface anxiety (possibly GAD) which I could talk down. Anywhere where I wasn’t required to physically speak out as a person of interest or attention, I was totally okay. I didn’t even suffer from panic attacks as described in Drew’s books or by others. I also soon ascertained I couldn’t do daily exposure practice per-se, because often I didn’t know when my symptoms would manifest, and when I did start to know it, I couldn’t replicate the situation in order to elicit an exposure response, because my triggering circumstances only involve other specific people (usually senior or authority persons) in specific groups scenarios, and where I am required to use my VOICE, on my own. Situations which can’t be routinely replicated except for when they actually occur. Anticipatory fear and trepidation was/is huge. But in every other respect I knew what I was reading was the closest thing to describing that demon within me, and in every other respect I was experiencing these same family of symptoms, and ultimate lifestyle destruction, that Drew and others described. And then I started seeing other narratives, such as that beautifully articulated by Bethany in ‘The Anxious Truth’ pg 126-8 about Social Anxiety (I cried tears as I instantly recognised myself in her words). And knew there were different ‘versions’ of anxiety and even social anxiety, with slightly different approaches needed, and variations to the steps Drew was describing worked for him. A massive amount of micro-behaviour management (some covered in Drew’s ‘Seven Percent Slower’ book which I apply daily still). So then I read ‘Essential Strategies for Social Anxiety’ by Alison McKleroy which gave me the next level of building blocks of understanding and behavioural actions needed. Then I determined to investigate more of the WHY of my problem’s source (acknowledging that Drew generally says ‘digging up the dirt’ and past history to get the results isn’t often needed, which helped free me at the time, but since then I’ve realised I sadly probably need to do some of this due to my unique history). So I recently started reading the book ‘SHAME’ by psychotherapist Dr Joseph Burgo. I’m only a few chapters in but wow, what revelation, and pretty painful reading.

Drew everything you said in this episode resonates with what I’m currently reading, Dr Burgo goes just a little further by suggesting embarrassment and other linked emotions/feelings are merely part of a bigger family of ‘shame’, and he articulates what he believes are the key differences between the more common ‘shame’ and more toxic (widely known) ‘SHAME’. Most importantly for me, he explains the roots of ‘core shame’ which sadly is more deeply embedded in some of us, almost in our DNA, and takes a lot more unpicking. Now I far better understand what I’m fighting against and why it’s going to take such a long time to recover.

On really bad days/weeks where my anxiety responses surface at work (usually in project and corporate meetings where my brain spontaneously ‘freezes up’ and all my hard preparation or rehearsal goes out the window, which is mortifying in front of senior clients & colleagues, who see me otherwise as a bright, happy, articulate, confident professional - & the embarrassment and shame stay with me for hours, sometimes days) and I think that my recovery process has amounted to nothing - & believe me I’ve heard you say many times to keep the faith during bad days of doubting - I have to remind myself this problem has probably been ‘running me’ since birth. I can’t expect to undo 4-5 decades of living with core shame in a flash. I HAVE to give credit to the small progress I’ve made and to know I’m more progressed than I ever was in my life. And am now understanding of the actions to take to overcome it. And I have you largely to thank for putting me on that path, it’s only been 1-2 years and I’m streets ahead of where I used to be. I just hope I can one day experience the quiet satisfaction of knowing within myself that I’m truly recovered. Just like you said it the other week😊

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Great delineation between two concepts that really permeate this horrible illness on a daily basis! Thank you for putting things into a more manageable perspective. I have never thought of them in this way and it makes them seem less threatening...

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Thanks again Drew. Could regret be added to that list too?

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