Another absolutely smashing episode Drew, huge thanks for sharing🙏🏼 Very much appreciate your honesty in outlining this account. I had tears welling up as I listened, as I in fact 100% relate to this feeling of being caught out, exposed in the ‘bright open sunshine’ metaphorically. And the deep, internal, devastating sting that comes along with it and stays under the surface for days, weeks, months, years, and yes even decades. This speaks directly to and links perfectly with your previous TAM Episode 221 around Embarrassment and Shame’. I commented to this (by way of a rather, err very lengthy essay lol) and outlined some of my own different unwanted ‘exposing’ anxiety-linked situations, but which have been very similar in their mental impact and long-term destruction of personal confidence and belief.
As you described yourself here once upon a time, for different reasons I too am extremely adept at and articulate when texting, emailing or pretty much any form of communication involving writing. Stuff that’s ‘read’ after the fact and that I can edit (ie. make perfect) first. I’m far less adept, however, with speaking whilst being seen or even sometimes being heard (my anxiety freeze response, I discovered to my deep distress during the pandemic, also sometimes manifests, given the right conditions, during Skype and Teams calls - even with the video function off). So exactly like you but for social, inferiority shame-related reasons, rather than panic-life-disaster-expectations. This has had huge ramifications on my job as a professional project manager, with often high-profile clients and corporate stakeholders being my triggers in the situation. Ultimately the issue, which for me I now know as social-anxiety disorder rooted in core-shame, has impacted my lifelong career trajectory and promotion opportunities (lack thereof) over the years, having not changed employers in almost 20 years due to my inability to function at interviews, and hence significantly lessened my ability to earn the money I know I otherwise would have - thus my living standard and financial security. As you say, we carry what we carry and accept it because we have to, and sometimes it stays with us forever. But one day, my hope is that I will be able to verbally engage in person, respond to, debate, rationalise and articulate just as clearly, naturally, confidently and unpreparedly, in ANY given ‘live’ speaking circumstance or situation, as you can. Then and only then will I consider myself truly living my potential, and truly recovered. You, and the many others you described in recent TAM episode 220 (‘Almost Nobody Believes They Can Do It’) are living testament to this, thank you everyone💚
When I couldn’t make it to a dinner with friends, one of those friends told me that when I felt better, she has some tough love to give me.
I told her that I’m not open to that conversation and that my anxiety is better discussed with my therapist. She took great offense to this and is no longer my friend.
I’m going to a holiday party tomorrow, and she will be there. I’m not even anxious about the party. I just don’t want to hear what she wants to say about my failings with my mental health.
Wow that made me anxious just reading it !!! I feel this way . I desperately want to get back to work . I made the first step , applied for a job . Does it tick all the boxes ? I don’t even know what those boxes are anymore ( normally , is it right pay ? Will we be better off ? Will I cope with it ? ) but I just went for it . Phew , I got over that anxious chimp in my head . Then I got the Interview 🥹 , chino did everything to put me off , but I went , Job done , I’ve managed to apply, and get interview. But then , call next day , they want me !!!!🥹🥹🤯. Asked if I was still interested ….. said yes while every part of me screaming noooo, it’s change , you won’t fit in , it will
Be painful . I’m due to start mid January 23. Was there any happiness inside ? Nope . Do I feel proud ? Nope . Now I have a few weeks of feeling tense and so so anxious and low . Doesn’t make sense to me .
Another absolutely smashing episode Drew, huge thanks for sharing🙏🏼 Very much appreciate your honesty in outlining this account. I had tears welling up as I listened, as I in fact 100% relate to this feeling of being caught out, exposed in the ‘bright open sunshine’ metaphorically. And the deep, internal, devastating sting that comes along with it and stays under the surface for days, weeks, months, years, and yes even decades. This speaks directly to and links perfectly with your previous TAM Episode 221 around Embarrassment and Shame’. I commented to this (by way of a rather, err very lengthy essay lol) and outlined some of my own different unwanted ‘exposing’ anxiety-linked situations, but which have been very similar in their mental impact and long-term destruction of personal confidence and belief.
As you described yourself here once upon a time, for different reasons I too am extremely adept at and articulate when texting, emailing or pretty much any form of communication involving writing. Stuff that’s ‘read’ after the fact and that I can edit (ie. make perfect) first. I’m far less adept, however, with speaking whilst being seen or even sometimes being heard (my anxiety freeze response, I discovered to my deep distress during the pandemic, also sometimes manifests, given the right conditions, during Skype and Teams calls - even with the video function off). So exactly like you but for social, inferiority shame-related reasons, rather than panic-life-disaster-expectations. This has had huge ramifications on my job as a professional project manager, with often high-profile clients and corporate stakeholders being my triggers in the situation. Ultimately the issue, which for me I now know as social-anxiety disorder rooted in core-shame, has impacted my lifelong career trajectory and promotion opportunities (lack thereof) over the years, having not changed employers in almost 20 years due to my inability to function at interviews, and hence significantly lessened my ability to earn the money I know I otherwise would have - thus my living standard and financial security. As you say, we carry what we carry and accept it because we have to, and sometimes it stays with us forever. But one day, my hope is that I will be able to verbally engage in person, respond to, debate, rationalise and articulate just as clearly, naturally, confidently and unpreparedly, in ANY given ‘live’ speaking circumstance or situation, as you can. Then and only then will I consider myself truly living my potential, and truly recovered. You, and the many others you described in recent TAM episode 220 (‘Almost Nobody Believes They Can Do It’) are living testament to this, thank you everyone💚
When I couldn’t make it to a dinner with friends, one of those friends told me that when I felt better, she has some tough love to give me.
I told her that I’m not open to that conversation and that my anxiety is better discussed with my therapist. She took great offense to this and is no longer my friend.
I’m going to a holiday party tomorrow, and she will be there. I’m not even anxious about the party. I just don’t want to hear what she wants to say about my failings with my mental health.
Sorry for blabbering. This hit a chord.
It is devastating when someone sees through the tricks that we work SO hard on. I’ve been there too.
Thanks for being so open and honest Drew. It really helps to know we are not alone, knowing you've got better gives us all hope. Love ya big guy
Wow that made me anxious just reading it !!! I feel this way . I desperately want to get back to work . I made the first step , applied for a job . Does it tick all the boxes ? I don’t even know what those boxes are anymore ( normally , is it right pay ? Will we be better off ? Will I cope with it ? ) but I just went for it . Phew , I got over that anxious chimp in my head . Then I got the Interview 🥹 , chino did everything to put me off , but I went , Job done , I’ve managed to apply, and get interview. But then , call next day , they want me !!!!🥹🥹🤯. Asked if I was still interested ….. said yes while every part of me screaming noooo, it’s change , you won’t fit in , it will
Be painful . I’m due to start mid January 23. Was there any happiness inside ? Nope . Do I feel proud ? Nope . Now I have a few weeks of feeling tense and so so anxious and low . Doesn’t make sense to me .