The Goldilocks Rule says that humans maintain motivation in the face of challenge when that challenge is far enough beyond our current capability to be interesting, but not too far beyond so as to be discouraging.
You hear me speak and write continuously using the words “incremental” and “systematic”. This is one reason why. Approaching recovery this way can help keep us engaged and motivated without falling into boredom or discouragement traps.
How did I manage to get up every morning for months on end to do my driving and other exposures? The answer is that I was being incremental enough to challenge myself, but not drown myself in “failure”. Some days felt like wins, some days were kinda neutral, and some days were a struggle. But there was a good balance between the wins and the struggle so that the wins didn’t become too easy while the struggle did not become disheartening. I did not plan this. It was admittedly a happy accident. Hey, if I can help you stay motivated and engaged with the process of recovery by sharing my accident, then so be it.
When we go too slow because we seek comfort more than progress, we run the risk of becoming bored and even disillusioned with the process. I’ve written that when the walk around the block becomes consistently easy and you stop seeing it as a real challenge, its time to take things to another level. If you do not, you will declare that nothing is changing and that it all seems like it just doesn’t work.
Going too fast - more common than you might think - leads into experience after experience that stretch us far beyond our current perceived limits (we’ll talk about the word “perceived” later). Thinking that we are are “getting it over with”, we start pushing through difficult situations that wind up feeling like daily trips into a torture chamber. Imagine trying to become a great guitarist by literally challenging Eric Clapton to a daily guitar duel where you get crushed day after day. How long would that last for you?
The trick is to slide into that zone that provides enough challenge to make things interesting, while also providing enough “wins” to keep you from being discouraged. How do you find that zone? Mostly and error. Start by being brutally honest with yourself about what you find challenging or not challenging, then setting your targets from there. Try things, see how it goes, and adjust. It won’t take too long to find the “Goldilocks zone”, but be patient with yourself while you figure that out. It’s a good investment in your time.
Once you’ve found that zone, work it, and remember that the zone keeps moving as you keep progressing. Stay in it. Do not drop out or you run the risk of landing in the dreaded acceptable bubble, half recovered. Do not get ahead, or you may find that what was great progress winds in a ditch on fire while you wonder why.
Goldilocks was working overtime to find the bed that was “just right”. She was really onto something there.
Tomorrow we’ll confront the idea that nobody is coming to save you, and why it is so empowering.
I just finished reading “Field Guide to the Haunted Forest” by Jarod K. Anderson. It’s a really short book (took about two hours to read) of combined poetry and prose that I really enjoyed. Jarod writes many of the things I think.
Every Tuesday I’ll let you know what I’m currently reading. I read quite a bit on psychology and philosophy, but really you never know what I’ll have in my Kindle or Audible libraries! If you’re on Goodreads and into books, you can follow/friend me over there. Here’s a link to my “currently reading” shelf. I’d love to see what you’re reading and what you recommend.
57. The Recovery "Goldilocks Zone"