Yes I have safe people my sons my daughter it holds back there life and I feel bad being alone is scary 21 years of panic attacks and agoraphobia it definitely got worse over the years, I had one safe person and now seem to gather them its terrible
This is an area that I’m trying to work on, and it’s very hard. It’s definitely not fair to my safe people to put their lives on hold, and manage around me. It’s not fair that I make them feel like they have to for my comfort
I didn’t realize I was using my husband and grown son as my safe people. They both work and when they leave I feel dizzier more anxious and I can feel the fear, it grips me and I do all these safe activities to try to calm down. I am trying to spend more time alone and be ok with them leaving me alone in days they are off of work. It’s been hard but I think I am getting there. Thanks as always Drew.
I have a safe person; my husband. Can't remember life without anxiety but it got boosted after a cancer diagnosis. Thru treatment, he was there for every chemo and checkup appt. Made my safe person even more safe...until radiation started. He was unable to go to those 20+ appts in one month, and I survived cancer and radiation. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. It's been 3 years and I still look back on radiation appts as a stepping stone to being stronger and facing fears and anxiety without my safety net. Thanks for The Anxious Morning, Drew. It's so helpful and appreciated!
Love this!!! Back in my dark ages when I did not know what anxiety problem I had (12 years later I found out it was OCD) I was involved with est (Werner Erhard seminars). While at an est camp, I was in the middle of a Tyrolian traverse between two cliffs. On this traverse I was pulling with arms and pushing with legs, then wondered "who is going to save me?". Will a helicopter? If another person comes on this rope, there will be twice the weight!!! A great lesson learned...I need to save me! It was not until 12- 15 years later that I knew HOW to save myself. Still working diligently on it and making progress slowly.
Problem for me is, when I'm walking with my dog (which is a serious exposure for now), I'm automatically ''soothed'' when I see neighboors around. As if they're safe people... How can I lose this form of automatic soothing sight? Is it possible? I just want to feel like I don't need to see them to feel ''safe''.
At some point you move on to exposures wherein you are no longer in your neighborhood. Thats a natural progression. So if you are “soothed” to the point where walking your dog isn’t a challenge then its time to move on to something that is.
After hearing this I will admit I have a group of safe people. I used to think of them as supportive, but many times it is when I’m in a rough spot I vent to them. I realized a while back that I have to challenge myself to work with my feelings with out running to others, or I may push away these people. So I’m trying to find the safe person in myself, in hopes to roll with these rough patches a bit easier.
I still have times that I rely on my safe person. I understand what you are saying and I have improved in my understanding that you must find the safe place within yourself. I have had GAD since I was a child and I’ve been through times of great confidence and then times I rely on a safe person. I am working on this; it’s a day by day process.
When I was really in the thick of it, I remember that if I saw a news story about a person who had been widowed, I would start thinking about what would happen if I lost my husband. And my reaction always felt selfish and gross— it was like “I hope nothing happens to him because he’s my support and he gets me through panic attacks.” Now that I’m more recovered, I feel like my thoughts are more normal on the matter: It would be terrible to lose him because I love him, not because he’s my safe person and I need him to survive my anxiety.
Great explanation Drew! I never had a safe person. I have always had to go through the motions and anxiety on my own. I feel it has made me stronger. Love you Big Guy
I don’t really have a safe person but I like to be around people because it keeps my mind engaged . I should say people that I’m comfortable with not people I have to make idle chit chat with that fires up the anxiety.
Although ai dont have a safety person, ai have a safety place, which is my house (more specifically my bathroom where I hide from everybody). I feel this has a lot to do with my agoraphobia. We cannot deny that it does bring short term comfort! But not long term gain.
Yes I have safe people my sons my daughter it holds back there life and I feel bad being alone is scary 21 years of panic attacks and agoraphobia it definitely got worse over the years, I had one safe person and now seem to gather them its terrible
This is an area that I’m trying to work on, and it’s very hard. It’s definitely not fair to my safe people to put their lives on hold, and manage around me. It’s not fair that I make them feel like they have to for my comfort
I didn’t realize I was using my husband and grown son as my safe people. They both work and when they leave I feel dizzier more anxious and I can feel the fear, it grips me and I do all these safe activities to try to calm down. I am trying to spend more time alone and be ok with them leaving me alone in days they are off of work. It’s been hard but I think I am getting there. Thanks as always Drew.
I have a safe person; my husband. Can't remember life without anxiety but it got boosted after a cancer diagnosis. Thru treatment, he was there for every chemo and checkup appt. Made my safe person even more safe...until radiation started. He was unable to go to those 20+ appts in one month, and I survived cancer and radiation. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. It's been 3 years and I still look back on radiation appts as a stepping stone to being stronger and facing fears and anxiety without my safety net. Thanks for The Anxious Morning, Drew. It's so helpful and appreciated!
So true. The power is in us not in others.
Love this!!! Back in my dark ages when I did not know what anxiety problem I had (12 years later I found out it was OCD) I was involved with est (Werner Erhard seminars). While at an est camp, I was in the middle of a Tyrolian traverse between two cliffs. On this traverse I was pulling with arms and pushing with legs, then wondered "who is going to save me?". Will a helicopter? If another person comes on this rope, there will be twice the weight!!! A great lesson learned...I need to save me! It was not until 12- 15 years later that I knew HOW to save myself. Still working diligently on it and making progress slowly.
Problem for me is, when I'm walking with my dog (which is a serious exposure for now), I'm automatically ''soothed'' when I see neighboors around. As if they're safe people... How can I lose this form of automatic soothing sight? Is it possible? I just want to feel like I don't need to see them to feel ''safe''.
At some point you move on to exposures wherein you are no longer in your neighborhood. Thats a natural progression. So if you are “soothed” to the point where walking your dog isn’t a challenge then its time to move on to something that is.
Thank you Drew. That makes a lot of sens. I got to be courageous and push forward!
After hearing this I will admit I have a group of safe people. I used to think of them as supportive, but many times it is when I’m in a rough spot I vent to them. I realized a while back that I have to challenge myself to work with my feelings with out running to others, or I may push away these people. So I’m trying to find the safe person in myself, in hopes to roll with these rough patches a bit easier.
Understood.
I still have times that I rely on my safe person. I understand what you are saying and I have improved in my understanding that you must find the safe place within yourself. I have had GAD since I was a child and I’ve been through times of great confidence and then times I rely on a safe person. I am working on this; it’s a day by day process.
When I was really in the thick of it, I remember that if I saw a news story about a person who had been widowed, I would start thinking about what would happen if I lost my husband. And my reaction always felt selfish and gross— it was like “I hope nothing happens to him because he’s my support and he gets me through panic attacks.” Now that I’m more recovered, I feel like my thoughts are more normal on the matter: It would be terrible to lose him because I love him, not because he’s my safe person and I need him to survive my anxiety.
Great explanation Drew! I never had a safe person. I have always had to go through the motions and anxiety on my own. I feel it has made me stronger. Love you Big Guy
I don’t really have a safe person but I like to be around people because it keeps my mind engaged . I should say people that I’m comfortable with not people I have to make idle chit chat with that fires up the anxiety.
Although ai dont have a safety person, ai have a safety place, which is my house (more specifically my bathroom where I hide from everybody). I feel this has a lot to do with my agoraphobia. We cannot deny that it does bring short term comfort! But not long term gain.
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This is so true. It’s a distraction. Thanks so much for the daily newsletter it has helped so much x