“How are you feeling?”
This is a loaded question for people like us.
If you have people in your life that know that you are struggling with an anxiety problem, the odds are high that you get asked this question quite often. There are variations on this theme of course, but when we let the world know that we are anxious and afraid at least some people in the world will make it a point to ask us about that on a regular basis.
Is this a good thing? Are they wrong to ask us?
Of course they’re not wrong. People that care about us genuinely want to know how we’re doing. They care about how we feel. They ask this out of concern and as an expression of caring or love. They want us to feel good. I know I want my friends and loved ones to feel good if at all possible.
But you know what else I want for my friends and loved ones? I want them to feel powerful, strong, and capable. Almost as much as I want them to feel “good”. Why is this?
Because feeling good or bad is like the wind. It’s constantly shifting and changing and when a butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo, the wind blows (or someone has a panic attack) in Oslo. Feeling good is nice, but it’s not where we want to plant our flag. We want to plant our flag on solid ground that remains under our feet regardless of our mood, or the weather. We want to feel - and to know - that we are powerful, strong, and capable. It’s much easier to feel good when you feel these things first.
This brings us back to that magic question.
“How are you feeling?”
It does not necessarily serve us to answer that question constantly, so when we want to move forward we must make a choice. We either have to work with the members of our support circle to teach them that they should not ask that question all the time, or we can choose to begin answering it in a new way. If we get asked all the time, and we reply with a litany of our symptoms, thoughts, and fears, we are choosing to camp deep in the heart of the disorder. The fleeting few seconds of relief we may experience by saying yet again that we are struggling and afraid is FAR outweighed by the obstacle this places in the way of our progress.
We should endeavor to be asked this question far less frequently, because this will teach us that we do not have to automatically speak our fears out loud to be OK. And when asked, we should strive to answer more productively for the same reasons.
Q. “How are you feeling?”
A. I’m anxious today, but I’m learning that I can handle that without making a major issue of it. Let’s talk about something else so I can practice getting better.
Try it. You might find that it helps you stand a bit straighter today.
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
I have exciting news to share: You can now read The Anxious Morning in the new Substack app for iPhone.
With the app, you’ll have a dedicated Inbox for my Substack and any others you subscribe to. New posts will never get lost in your email filters, or stuck in spam. Longer posts will never cut-off by your email app. Comments and rich media will all work seamlessly. Overall, it’s a big upgrade to the reading experience.
The Substack app is currently available for iOS. If you don’t have an Apple device, you can join the Android waitlist here.
66. How Are You Feeling?