Yesterday we talked about how many anxious people - contrary to expectations - perform very well in times of REAL emergency.
I capitalize the word REAL for a reason. Because it is important to accept and understand that how you feel is NOT a real emergency and never has been. Feeling afraid - when there is no threat to base that fear on - is not an emergency. Thinking that something bad might happen when there is absolutely no evidence to support that is not an emergency. Being uncomfortable or thinking that you can’t cope is not an emergency.
At the risk of sounding a bit ridiculous, how you feel is only an emergency to you because you are in the habit of treating it like an emergency.
One of the most important turning points my own recovery came the day that I resolved that I would no longer treat my symptoms and fears like emergencies. None of what I feared ever came true, I got really angry at being dragged around by disasters that only ever existed in my mind, and I vowed that enough was enough. This was both liberating and quite difficult from an emotional standpoint.
Few things in life are more emotionally challenging than calling out your own bullshit, but once I saw it this way and did just that, things really began to change for me. It was not an instant cure and there was no smooth sailing to recovery land. I still had plenty of hard work in front of me. But accepting that how I felt was NOT an emergency gave me a guiding principle - a bit of a battle plan - to work from. I didn’t have to make things up as went along. When I wanted to declare emergency and act accordingly … I knew that I had to do the opposite and treat the situation as if nothing was wrong.
I am sure that right now you are jumping out of your seat and wanting to scream, “BUT HOWWWWWW? How can I treat the feeling that (insert your fear here) as if nothing is wrong???”
The answer, to bring it right back to one of my earliest podcast episodes from years ago, is courage. That is part of the deal here, like it or not. When I decided to stop treating how I felt like an emergency, I had to start being brave on a regular basis. Not because I was doing dangerous things, but because it felt like I was, and I needed to be brave to learn that this feeling was wrong at an epic level.
The need and desire to “handle it” when a threat pops up is understandable. You just want to keep yourself safe and seek comfort. In a real emergency where real action is needed, this is quite useful. Unfortunately, however, this often gets turned inward. It becomes part of a never ending effort to “handle” an emergency that doesn’t exist and therefore does not need handling at all.
So if you want to know what it looks like to stop treating your symptoms and thoughts like emergencies, look in the mirror and give yourself the biggest most dismissive shoulder shrug you can dig up. It looks like that, even when that is hard, but not impossible, to do.
Every Friday I’ll share one of my favorite quotes. They’ll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they’re just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them.
70. How You Feel Is Not An Emergency