By show of hands, how many of you have been told that you need to be “present”?
How about we stop TELLING anxious people to “be present” and start TEACHING them how to pay attention? That’s way easier for an anxious brain to grasp and way more practical. Paying attention is something you can DO. Present is something you have to BE. When your brain is racing and you are caught up in the cycle of thinking and you are not sure if you are supposed to shit or wind your watch because you are afraid and confused, DOING is far easier than BEING.
So. Let me say in no uncertain terms that you can ignore all the advice you get about being present. Instead, just learn how to pay attention. It’s a far simpler plan and just as effective in the end.
What do I mean by this?
When your anxious thoughts are telling you that you really should check that spot on your arm for the 12th time today, you can pay attention to that, or you can decide to pay attention to something else, even while you are afraid that you have skin cancer that every doctor is failing to find.
When your anxious brain is working hard to convince you that you are mere moments away from having a psychotic break, you can pay attention to the psychotic break, or you can choose to pay attention to something else while afraid to have a psychotic break.
This is not easy to do. Not by any measure. But this is something we can learn, and practice. We can practice placing our attention on something of our choosing. Maybe the sensation of your breath, or a picture hanging on your wall. Or maybe a sound, or the scent of your friend’s favorite perfume. Then you can practice keeping your attention on that thing, and returning your attention to it when it wanders.
When you train your attention on a given thing, you are engaging with that thing. You are noticing that thing, observing it, pondering it, maybe interacting with it. When you pay attention to a thing, you engage with that thing, and you are present with that thing. Wait. What? PRESENT? How did that happen? Being present is just what happens when you learn how to pay attention and get engaged. And if you practice this when not anxious, you can start to use this technique when you are anxious.
So when your brain is absolutely begging for your attention and engagement because it insists you are in danger, you can use your new attention focusing skills to move your engagement to something of your choosing. You can work on being PRESENT with something that is not your fear and not some imagined catastrophic outcome. You can do that. With enough practice, it becomes easier and more effective. Not to drown out your fear or erase it, but to allow it to run its natural course while you place your attention out into the world rather than keeping it anchored in your thoughts.
Can you see how learning how to pay attention might be far easier than trying to figure out how to BE present? Now, I fully acknowledge that “pay attention” does not sound profound or spiritual in any way, but we don’t need profound here. We just need useful.
Start there, and you may be surprised at how profound begins to surface naturally down the road.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. - Elvis Presley
Every Friday I’ll share one of my favorite quotes. They’ll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they’re just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them.
125. WTF Does "Be Present" Even Mean To An Anxious Mind?