I am often asked how to “stop” fear or stop thoughts. People that recognize that they are in the bad habit of automatically treating thoughts, fear, and symptoms as emergencies become desperate for “tips” on how to stop doing that. It all feels so automatic and uncontrollable and they can’t see how to prevent all of that.
Here’s news. It is totally automatic. You have hard wired circuits in you that are designed to declare an emergency swiftly and loudly when a threat it detected. This is what humans do as a matter of course. That’s not a problem.
In the event that I experience panic - which can happen maybe a few times a year for me - that first flash of total panic and absolute fear IS AN EMERGENCY. I can’t make it not be. I have no control over those circuits. They are there for a reason and I kinda like that they are. So for the first minute or so, everything absolutely feels like an emergency and I feel compelled to take evasive action.
This is not wrong. This is not a problem. This is to be expected. You can’t just decide to stop reacting in this automatic way. Initially, you WILL feel the fear, you WILL knee-jerk in response, and you WILL feel very strongly that you need to engage with this emergency to mitigate it. You might even begin to do that. Maybe you run to your car or pick up the phone to start to call for help. All expected.
The magic happens once you come to the realization that you are doing all that. It’s not my first moment of panic that defines my recovery. It’s all the moments after that. That’s where the change is. That’s what defines your recovery, wherever you may be along that path.
Go ahead and startle. Go ahead have the initial “OMG!” thoughts. Start running for the exit. You can’t help that. But at some point you know what you’re doing, and at that point you have choice, and therefore power (thank you. Dr. B!). Not immediate power and the choices are not easy to make, but there is choice and power nonetheless, and that is where we find change and progress.
So if you are desperate to find ways to change your initial reaction to anxiety, thoughts, symptoms, or fear, give yourself a break. You don’t need to squash or extinguish that first minute reaction. You can’t win that battle. But it’s not the first minute that matters. It’s the minutes after that. Focus your efforts there, because you can be successful there, and that is where you can start to see a difference over time.
Practice recovering in the second minute, and the third. That’s where things really happen.
“I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” - Plutarch
Every Friday I’ll share one of my favorite quotes. They’ll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they’re just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them.
130. It's Not The First Minute That Matters