No l personally feel regret and guilt are basically the same. I regret l wasn't there for my friend before she killed herself, thus l feel guilty that l was not there for my friend. You just learn to live with it. Had many say to me...oh but it wasn't your fault type stuff to ease my guilt and the big one...you can't think like that! Yeah l can! If lm in the wrong, l am. But lm okay with my regret and guilt. I made a big mistake. I have learned from it as you have. I deserve to live with it because l screwed up and that's okay. Life is a journey. The only forgiveness l will accept is from her. And l hope one day, she will give it to me.
What a beautiful combination of words.. thoughts and balance of life with all its ingredients we all deal with. I like this word today…. BALANCE. It neither sends me one way over to the left, or more over to the right.
We can hold our experiences, ( like yours) close to my heart and in my mind, all in a great balanced place, where we can TRULY use it.
Thank you again for all your wisdom that you share here. 🌈🌈
The reason so many wrote to you about feeling guilty over Beth is that we ALL have regrets and can identify with you. Everyone of us has some regrets which we wish we could go back in time and change. But can't. So wrestling with those feelings is a common experience. And for many of us with anxiety we have do have some regrets regarding our anxiety. You hit the nail on the head.
Thanks for revisiting that very personal podcast from a week or so ago. It's much clearer now and I am glad that you aren't carrying things the way that I first interpreted them when I listened. I wondered why you didn't like my very long response. (haha!)
Great quote, too! I only listen to the podcasts, so I didn't see it in the written narrative until I looked back today. Well said by Thoreau.
You continue to be excellent at parsing out the important details of this impairment. Thanks for your careful attention to everything. This is an "invisible" impairment to some, and it's fraught with little details. At times, explaining them can mean the difference in gaining understanding from others, versus getting a look of befuddlement!!! Thanks for all of your wise words every day.
Thank you very much Drew for your podcasts, THe Anxious Morning and posts in fb group. I´m from small country named Slovakia, my English is not very well but Im reading every day your posts and articles and reflections and posts in group and it really really help me. (unfortunately more than psychiatrics and psychologists). I´m on the way 18moths... I´m learning to live with GAD, it was terrible (I must stopped working for long time) but now I am encouraged because I am starting to see small progress... thank you and all your co-workers and all from the group. I love you aaaaaaall !!!!
I have been struggling with the concept of forgiveness for many many years.
Your opinion on guilt and regret and how they connect to way you embrace your experiences finally made a click (!)…
Perhaps, it is not a matter of forgiving myself for the things I’ve done when I have allowed Fear to go first and determine the way I behave… maybe it is just a matter of understanding that I could have done things different and I simply did not and recognize this as part of my story and drop the drama of beating myself up because it serves no purpose.
Yes, I can feel guilty but then I should not be stuck in there… because as much as Anxiety is smoke and mirrors , so it is Guilt.
Wonderful post as ever, very poignant, full of wisdom and perspective… and certainly not many of us who this won’t speak to. Just re-listened to that hugely moving and meaningful episode about the regret with your friend Beth from Friday week ago - had some more tears, both from the words I was listening to and from being honest with myself about all the opportunities I’ve allowed to be missed/gone in my life. Hearing this only makes me more determined to use the ‘hate’ for this awful scourge anxiety that I (we all) feel, as a driver to keep persisting, to keep on doing the necessary hard yards you so diligently and articulately lay out to try to help us all - even when it’s not the ‘warm ‘n fluffy’ we want to hear in the moment. Thank you for your honesty, your sincerity, your intent and your determination to succeed in this mission.
Right on the nose again as always Drew. I have many regrets but I have learnt to forgive and moved on. I now look for each day afresh and try not to do anything I will regret today. Say yes
No l personally feel regret and guilt are basically the same. I regret l wasn't there for my friend before she killed herself, thus l feel guilty that l was not there for my friend. You just learn to live with it. Had many say to me...oh but it wasn't your fault type stuff to ease my guilt and the big one...you can't think like that! Yeah l can! If lm in the wrong, l am. But lm okay with my regret and guilt. I made a big mistake. I have learned from it as you have. I deserve to live with it because l screwed up and that's okay. Life is a journey. The only forgiveness l will accept is from her. And l hope one day, she will give it to me.
Thanks Drew. Its nice to not agree 😁😁
That defining between regret and guilt is SO helpful. Brilliant. Thank you.
Hi Drew,
What a beautiful combination of words.. thoughts and balance of life with all its ingredients we all deal with. I like this word today…. BALANCE. It neither sends me one way over to the left, or more over to the right.
We can hold our experiences, ( like yours) close to my heart and in my mind, all in a great balanced place, where we can TRULY use it.
Thank you again for all your wisdom that you share here. 🌈🌈
The reason so many wrote to you about feeling guilty over Beth is that we ALL have regrets and can identify with you. Everyone of us has some regrets which we wish we could go back in time and change. But can't. So wrestling with those feelings is a common experience. And for many of us with anxiety we have do have some regrets regarding our anxiety. You hit the nail on the head.
Oh! I don't think I ever quite thought about this in this way before....! Thank you....this distinction helps!
Thanks for revisiting that very personal podcast from a week or so ago. It's much clearer now and I am glad that you aren't carrying things the way that I first interpreted them when I listened. I wondered why you didn't like my very long response. (haha!)
Great quote, too! I only listen to the podcasts, so I didn't see it in the written narrative until I looked back today. Well said by Thoreau.
You continue to be excellent at parsing out the important details of this impairment. Thanks for your careful attention to everything. This is an "invisible" impairment to some, and it's fraught with little details. At times, explaining them can mean the difference in gaining understanding from others, versus getting a look of befuddlement!!! Thanks for all of your wise words every day.
Thank you very much Drew for your podcasts, THe Anxious Morning and posts in fb group. I´m from small country named Slovakia, my English is not very well but Im reading every day your posts and articles and reflections and posts in group and it really really help me. (unfortunately more than psychiatrics and psychologists). I´m on the way 18moths... I´m learning to live with GAD, it was terrible (I must stopped working for long time) but now I am encouraged because I am starting to see small progress... thank you and all your co-workers and all from the group. I love you aaaaaaall !!!!
Drew,
I have been struggling with the concept of forgiveness for many many years.
Your opinion on guilt and regret and how they connect to way you embrace your experiences finally made a click (!)…
Perhaps, it is not a matter of forgiving myself for the things I’ve done when I have allowed Fear to go first and determine the way I behave… maybe it is just a matter of understanding that I could have done things different and I simply did not and recognize this as part of my story and drop the drama of beating myself up because it serves no purpose.
Yes, I can feel guilty but then I should not be stuck in there… because as much as Anxiety is smoke and mirrors , so it is Guilt.
Thanks for your insight, Drew.
Wonderful post as ever, very poignant, full of wisdom and perspective… and certainly not many of us who this won’t speak to. Just re-listened to that hugely moving and meaningful episode about the regret with your friend Beth from Friday week ago - had some more tears, both from the words I was listening to and from being honest with myself about all the opportunities I’ve allowed to be missed/gone in my life. Hearing this only makes me more determined to use the ‘hate’ for this awful scourge anxiety that I (we all) feel, as a driver to keep persisting, to keep on doing the necessary hard yards you so diligently and articulately lay out to try to help us all - even when it’s not the ‘warm ‘n fluffy’ we want to hear in the moment. Thank you for your honesty, your sincerity, your intent and your determination to succeed in this mission.
Right on the nose again as always Drew. I have many regrets but I have learnt to forgive and moved on. I now look for each day afresh and try not to do anything I will regret today. Say yes