Carl Rogers, one of the most influential and important psychologists in history, was correct. Living really is an awfully risky proposition. It’s risky on many fronts.
Life is risky physically. We may be injured or killed. We may experience illness or extreme hunger or thirst. We may find ourselves exposed to the elements and at the mercy of nature.
Life is risky mentally. There are many things that we may just not know, nor have the ability to know. Not knowing can leave us vulnerable to bad fortune economically, academically, occupationally, or socially. Not knowing, or being unable to solve a problem can feel risky because it may lead to other risks.
Life is risky emotionally. We may be judged. We may be rejected. We may be removed from our “tribe” against our will. We may wind up alone. We may desire love but not receive it. We may expose ourselves emotionally and be punished for it. We may struggle to know who we really are or accept ourselves fully.
I can keep going, but the bottom line is that yes, “It’s an awfully risky thing, living.”
The point today is to make you think a bit about risk and your ability to accept it and tolerate it.
How much time and energy do you spend trying to avoid risk, mitigate it, or protect yourself from it? How much of your approach to both anxiety and life are based on trying to deny or fend off the risky nature of living through thinking, thinking, retreating, and more thinking? How hard are you working to control things in an effort to know, predict, and therefore minimize or eliminate risk?
I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, the answer is that you spend a fair amount of time and energy on these things. But to be brutal and direct … how is that working out for you? How does that work out for any of us?
Do we really have any kind of ability to avoid or mitigate risk on a large scale, or are we just trying to soothe our fear and delude ourselves into thinking that trying not to die is a good way to live?
I could probably go on about this topic for pages and pages, but I will kinda just drop these questions in front of you and let you take it from here.
But before I end, I just want to remind you of two things.
Accepting risk and dropping the need to control does not automatically make you better, but on the flip side it’s REALLY hard to get better if you insist that you must remain in control.
It’s an awfully risky thing, to live.
I might ask what you’re going to do ABOUT that, but instead I’ll ask you what you’re going to do WITH that, which is probably a better question.
PS. If you want to see something amazing, a textbook example of non-directed, person-centered therapy and the source of today’s main quote, you can watch Carl Rogers in a real session recorded in the 1960s. Watch how he never answers “Gloria’s” questions, or tells her what to do, even when she really wants him to do that. He simply listens and allows her to come to her own conclusions. Masterful. Keep in mind that this kind of therapy is not really indicated when addressing anxiety disorders, but parts of the approach are absolutely applicable across almost all therapeutic relationships.
Have you listened to this week’s episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel.
165. "It's An Awfully Risky Thing, To Live."