In edition 204 of The Anxious Morning we started talking about why broad education and training in things like assessment and diagnostics provide a key dividing line between therapists and coaches, or mentors. Today I want to finish the discussion by looking at what can go wrong when a coach or mentor winds up with a client they are not qualified to help, even when they really want to help and have great intentions.
You know that thing where the coach or mentor repeats the same thing again and again, rarely acknowledges variations, never changes or broadens that message, and works to “scale” that simple message for a large number of clients? Or you know that thing where the coach or mentor can’t really help then declares that you’re just not doing it right, you’re not fully committed, or that you’re not capable of following their “proven” methods? How about the thing where the coach or mentor suddenly realizes that they are in over their heads and abruptly stops whatever form of help they thought they were providing you?
This. This can go wrong. These things. Sadly, I see them quite often. This can all happen because of a really poor set of ethics (or even morals) on the side of the coach. I hate that, but we have to acknowledge that it’s true sometimes. Or this can all happen based on the mistaken idea that having personal experience means that one can somehow kinda do therapy but not really and its OK to just call it mentoring or coaching with all kinds of great intentions to help. That’s probably more common, or least I’d like to think it is because at least there’s kindness at play there.
Mechanically, this is why the training matters. Anxiety disorders can sound very simple, and in many ways, they are from a certain standpoint. But they do not live in a vacuum and the act of recovering from them means that all kinds of other issues, beliefs, experiences, and other influences come into play. These MUST be taken in to account when working through a treatment plan. Edition 203 of The Anxious Morning covered the “just do it” misconception. What I’m talking about today is related to that. A coach or mentor with no training, experience, or even awareness of methods of assessment or diagnosis and no broader knowledge of mental health issues can easily wind up trying to hammer that square peg into what they can’t even see is a round hole. THAT can really start to sound like “just do it” when the peg isn’t fitting and everyone involved is getting frustrated.
When you compare a coach with a therapist or mental health counselor (those terms are often interchangeable), the ability of a trained therapist to deal with a wider range of issues and challenges beyond the basics is going to far outstrip that of a coach or mentor.
Does this matter for you? I don’t know that. I do not know how smooth or jagged your path is. I do not know what experiences and “wrinkles” are presenting recovery challenges for you. I am saying that when you are making choices about where you will get your help and who you will spend money with, take into account the message you’ve been hearing. Is it nuanced and varied? Does it address other concerns because they matter and are real? Does the messenger appear willing to at least acknowledge that there may be other factors that have to be addressed and accommodated? Does the messenger appear well versed, trained, and with a broader knowledge, or are they just good at saying things that you like hearing (which is awesome, but sadly not enough).
I know it sounds like I’m bashing the coaches here or justifying my existence (and my tuition bills) as a therapist in training. Maybe I am to some degree, but I also feel strongly that this stuff really matters. You are an actual person with a theoretically simple problem wrapped around a potentially complicated life. Social media platforms have largely dismissed this complication, really creating this belief that being alive, engaging and entertaining somehow translates to being qualified. Not just in mental health but in just about everything. This is a problem.
Part of my responsibility as a therapist is in training is advocacy, so here I am. Advocating. Do with it what you will, and thanks for listening while I do it.
Oh, and remember on Monday when I said that I would end my minor rant and get onto something more productive? I may have mis-spoken just a little. Tomorrow we’ll do something more practical. I promise.
Have you listened to this week’s episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel.
205. Therapist Vs. Coach - Part 3