When anxious, we have two choices in terms of how we interpret what is happening.
The obvious choice is to evaluate the content of what we are thinking and feeling in our anxious moments. We examine our anxious sensations and symptoms, trying to figure out where they come from and what they mean. Are they harbingers of doom? Do they signal impending disaster in the form of incapacitation or even death? We engage in frantic inner dialogue with our anxious thoughts, attempting to convince ourselves that nothing bad is going to happen. We try to throw reason and logic at the thoughts, mistakenly believing that we can reason against what is ultimately baseless and therefore irrational fear. Sometimes we try to run from the thoughts and sensations, treating them as if they are truly dangerous and must be stopped or avoided at all costs.
This is what it looks like when you evaluate and judge the content of anxious sensations and thoughts. If you’re reading this email, odds are you are very familiar with this scenario.
There is a second less obvious option. This option does not involve trying to escape, or seek certainty. The second option doesn’t acknowledge any danger at all. It’s not something you are likely considering when anxious, but it is the better option in the long run.
Your second option when anxious is to observe the process in progress without evaluating the content.
Look, there is virtually no way you are going to simply ignore your fear and all the things that come with it. You’re going to have to acknowledge it. But acknowledgement can come in the form of observation rather than judgement. When we observe the process of anxiety, fear, symptoms, and thoughts, we take our best shot at remaining objective and detached from the specific threat we appear to be facing.
We do not try to convince ourselves that our hearts are strong. We do not seek reassurance that our sanity will remain intact. We do not hold on to the shopping cart or run out of the restaurant in response to specific worries, fear, or predicted disasters.
Instead, we stop, pause, and ask ourselves what is happening in the moment rather than attempting to predict and avoid future moments. Recognizing the process of anxiety, observing and acknowledging it, helps to keep us from falling into the fear pit. When we practice doing this - even in the heat of the moment - we stand on firmer ground and are able to more productively move through our anxious and fearful episodes.
Evaluating the content of your anxiety traps you in the fear spiral.
Observing the process of your anxiety keeps you at arms length and allows you to make better recovery focused choices when when you are certain that you can not.
Over the next two days we will examine two key components that go into observing the process of anxiety. Tomorrow we’ll start with one simple statement:
“I am thinking.”
Every Tuesday I’ll let you know what I’m currently reading. I read quite a bit on psychology and philosophy, but really you never know what I’ll have in my Kindle or Audible libraries! If you’re on Goodreads and into books, you can follow/friend me over there. Here’s a link to my “currently reading” shelf. I’d love to see what you’re reading and what you recommend.
Here’s another fun read. I just finished this one. Transfer of Power is a political/action thriller in the Tom Clancy spirit. If you dig stuff like Patriot Games, you might like this one. It had me turning pages eagerly until the end. I might even consider reading more from Vince Flynn.
22. Observing Vs. Evaluating