I know you guys wanted me to talk about my own experiences in these final few editions of The Anxious Morning. I’ve been trying to do that because I’m happy to share. This morning I want to share the experiences of others because part of the power of this platform is the ability to aggregate so many inspiring and encouraging stories.
One of the best things about my Facebook group is logging in … wait a second. Who “logs in” in 2022? Am I showing my age here? Anyway, one of coolest things that I get to see in that group are posts from people I have never seen before and don’t recognize. Victory posts. Recovery posts. When someone that has been lurking for a year pops up to introduce themselves with a recovery post, I can’t help but smile.
Please keep in mind that none of this is about me. I did nothing. Like literally nothing. I say words from an office in New York. Every one of those people that pops in to share their successes only does that because they did hard things and faced scary things. I don’t do that. I did that job for myself many years ago. Now you guys do it. I just get to cheer for you while you do.
The stories kinda look like this. These are real stories that I am paraphrasing for privacy reasons.
“I used to spend all day crying and wondering how I would ever get my life back. I can’t believe that I’m actually at Disney and having a great time with my kids.”
“I was that person that was sure that my anxiety was special and different. No way was this going to work for me. I just finished my first week at my new job. I cannot believe that this is me.”
“When you think you can’t do this, know that you can. I never thought I was strong enough or brave enough to get better but now I know I am. I can’t believe that having coffee with my daughter is such a big deal for me, but it is, and I’m so happy about it.”
“When your mind is telling you that you can’t, please don’t listen. I lost so many years of my life that I can’t get back, but now I’m doing it. I never thought I could, but I was wrong. This is me sitting at the airport waiting to go see my sister for the time time in 12 years. I’m nervous and happy at the time time and I love it.”
“I was literally forced into recovery when my marriage ended and my safe person walked out the door. I was so afraid. I had no courage and no strength. I relied on him for everything for so long and I felt so lost. This is me 14 months later about to have my first first date in over 20 years. I want to cry tears of joy but I’m afraid I will ruin my make-up! Don’t believe your brain when it says you can’t do it. It’s lying.”
I could give you like 100 of these without even giving it a second thought. These are a few that stick in my head for various reasons. But I do want to give you one more because the circumstance might resonate with some of you.
“I was told for so long that I was weak and stupid that I started to believe it. I don’t know how that happened, but it did. You know what? That was wrong. It’s taken me a long time to learn that, but I am strong and I am smart and I can take care of myself. Don’t let hurt angry people keep you down because it makes them feel better. Don’t make the same mistake I made.”
I am always honest about the fact that I never really doubted my ability to get better. But that’s just me. Y’all have taught me that almost everyone struggles with belief at times. Virtually everyone has moments or even long stretches where they simply don’t believe that they can recover. It’s part of the common experience. But that lack of belief is not a predictor. The common thread among all these stories is that at some point these folks started to do things even when they didn’t believe. The belief came later, after the experiences. I hate that it works that way, but it does. I wanted to share some of this today because many struggle to find belief before acting.
Belief often - usually - comes AFTER acting. Call it acting “as if”. Call it faking it until you’re making it. Frame it any way you that helps you. That’s totally fine. But today, once you’re done framing it, look at some of these stories. Look at the common thread of disbelief and take some inspiration or encouragement from it.
Getting better is not dependent on believing that you can get better. The process of getting better is a process of building belief over time. When you’re sure that you can’t, the odds are high that you really can, even when you’re doing the small things to start.
220. Almost Nobody Believes They Can Do It.