The process of anxiety recovery has nothing to do with seeking positivity or a positive life. “Good vibes only” is not part of the language of recovery. We’re not in this to declare the world toxic and therefore to disconnect from it in an attempt to find peace and security. What would be the point of trying to build a better life if that life must be lived sequestered in a fantasyland where nothing negative or challenging exists?
I would argue, especially based on my own recovery experience, that the process of anxiety recovery does exactly the opposite. Traveling this path presents us with challenges that teach us how to handle adversity. We learn to move through negative situations rather than to retreat from them. We practice flexing our tolerance muscles in order to discover just how capable we are of dealing with situations that are hardly ideal and are most certainly not positive or full of good vibes.
Sometimes we are handed a misleading image of what a recovered life looks like. Social media will bury us in images of well lit happy people peacefully sitting on beaches or on mountains, suggesting that this is where we must arrive to call ourselves recovered. But this is not true. Beaches and mountains are awesome, but they are not all of life. They’re not even most of life. Those images aren’t terribly accurate or realistic.
The recovery process teaches us the skills we need to become healthy participants in the real world, which is sometimes not such a pleasant place. It makes us productive, not isolated. It prepares us for reality, it does not drive us into a fantasy world where only sunshine and rainbows exist. The trial by fire that is recovery makes us capable of handling life, whatever that means.
I’m not saying that you have to intentionally drown yourself in bullshit for the rest of your life just to prove that you can. That is not required. But neither is a total retreat into a space where everything is positive, nobody ever rubs you the wrong way, and everything remains placid at all times. Do not base your recovery on that notion, or you run the risk of winding up very disappointed and feeling ill-prepared for what the world is going to hand you beyond anxiety.
I’ll end today with another reference to Stoic philosophy that may give you something to think about and something to aim for in your own recovery.
Bestselling author Ryan Holiday wrote:
“The image of the Zen philosopher is the monk up in the green, quiet hills, or in a beautiful temple on some rocky cliff. The Stoics are the antithesis of this idea. Instead, they are the man in the marketplace, the senator in the Forum, the brave wife waiting for her soldier to return from battle, the sculptor busy in her studio. Still, the Stoic is equally at peace. “
Tomorrow we’ll take our first look at a popular topic. Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
“Remembering you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose.” - Steve Jobs
Every Friday I’ll share one of my favorite quotes. They’ll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they’re just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy them.
25. Recovery Is Not Found In "Good Vibes Only"