This post resonates deeply with my own exploration of stress management. I see that you mention the importance of taking a step back and looking at things from an objective point of view—I believe this is one of the most important things we can do when dealing with stress. For me, the key steps are: 1) realize you're under stress, 2) take a pause, and 3) reflect on it in a kind of “disengaged state.” Of course, as you mention, we're all human—so this is often easier said than done. But I believe that with practice, this workflow becomes more natural, and over time it can really transform how we respond to challenges.
Valuable insights here.. & liked the response below: learning the difference between discomfort and danger. Accepting stress is a normal (& occasionally beneficial or guiding) concept in life, and doesn’t warrant any ‘calming down’ approach (ie. we simply need to let go and allow - without any intended outcome as per yesterday’s TAM episode 50 around transactional outcomes) is hard to get one’s head around. Especially when our whole lives, and across the entire mental health/wellbeing industry and social media spectrum, we’re constantly being told exactly the opposite. But I guess practice and reinforcement makes for progress, thanks Drew🙏🏼
Hey Drew. There is the critical part: i realize what stresses me and then i freak out because i have the urge to solve it immediatly to calm down my anxiety. Often times that is not possible. For example: i need to change my job this summer. That means i am leaving my sage space where i can work more or less with my anxiety. Imagining to start somewhere else is such a huge fear for me and already now i am in so intense anxiety everyday and its almost impossible to calm down. This cannot continue until summer, i become more and more unstabil.
You used the phrase "calm down" a few times here. That's the red flag. If you're going to treat anxious sensations as immediately requiring some special response that stops them ("calming down"), then that's going to stick you in this cycle. Stress is uncomfortable but the whole point of the recovery process is to learn the difference between discomfort and danger, and to learn that we are capable of moving through discomfort in a healthy way. Really, what choice do we have? Trying to immediately calm down and escape the feeling is clearly not working for you - or for any of us - so your first target is going to be the acceptance of the fact that finding a way to instantly calm yourself is not really the most desirable target.
Because by all these breathwork and vagus nerve excercises etc it always seems that the main goal is to calm yourself down. And in my experience i become more and more desperate because it doesnt work.
I will try to resist the urge to solve any stress immediatly, otherwise i am in danger and my anxiety is not longer bareable.
Dear Vivien, the threat response comes from a place of protection. There is no use to fight it or engage with it. She´s doing her job. If we just can really understand this approach and its nature, stress an anxiety can be our allies rather than our enemies when letting go, taking care ourselves with self-compassion... :)
Thank you Barbara! It is really challenging when anxiety is there from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep. Its difficult to work and do normal stuff and fighting through it everyday.
And always the question:
what is this anxiety trying to tell me? Why cant i take good care of myself?
What else should i do to get better? Am i ignoring something?
Vivien I am totally with you. I´ve been struggling with anxiety for more than 30 years, and still (diagnosed with GAD) 24/7. I think that what we need is exactly what we´re doing and that is Phsychoeducation. I also highly recommend CBT therapy with an expert in anxiety. In To keep listening to Drew´s podcasts, books, lives in IG ( with his amazing anxiety group of experts) will make all the difference. Stick to him , but DO everything he says ACTION! even when you find it hard, otherwise we will get stuck in the loop. Of course you´re taking care of the problem! be kinder to yourself! if you wish you can buy " The Self-Compassion workbook" by Kimberly Quinlan (so good). I hope this helps, remember, as Drew says, we are also here to support each other ( I´m sorry for my bad spelling, spanish is my first language), xoxoxo
Thank you so much for your response, Barbara. I have better times and worse times. Sometimes when the external stress is too high (like now) my strategies / doing everything WITH anxiety doesnt work anymore. Also the meditation, yoga, all the things that i do in addition-
The last weeks i have a relapse and my doctor said we shoud adapt my medication again to stabilize me. I hope it will help. I am not a big fan if medication, it helps just a little bit- but right now i have no other idea.
I am really down and struggle to keep going.
How about you? Can you work and have your daily life?
This post resonates deeply with my own exploration of stress management. I see that you mention the importance of taking a step back and looking at things from an objective point of view—I believe this is one of the most important things we can do when dealing with stress. For me, the key steps are: 1) realize you're under stress, 2) take a pause, and 3) reflect on it in a kind of “disengaged state.” Of course, as you mention, we're all human—so this is often easier said than done. But I believe that with practice, this workflow becomes more natural, and over time it can really transform how we respond to challenges.
Valuable insights here.. & liked the response below: learning the difference between discomfort and danger. Accepting stress is a normal (& occasionally beneficial or guiding) concept in life, and doesn’t warrant any ‘calming down’ approach (ie. we simply need to let go and allow - without any intended outcome as per yesterday’s TAM episode 50 around transactional outcomes) is hard to get one’s head around. Especially when our whole lives, and across the entire mental health/wellbeing industry and social media spectrum, we’re constantly being told exactly the opposite. But I guess practice and reinforcement makes for progress, thanks Drew🙏🏼
Thanks again Drew. I am starting to feel that anxiety can be a teacher and friend even which in itself makes me a little calmer.
Hey Drew. There is the critical part: i realize what stresses me and then i freak out because i have the urge to solve it immediatly to calm down my anxiety. Often times that is not possible. For example: i need to change my job this summer. That means i am leaving my sage space where i can work more or less with my anxiety. Imagining to start somewhere else is such a huge fear for me and already now i am in so intense anxiety everyday and its almost impossible to calm down. This cannot continue until summer, i become more and more unstabil.
So how to deal with real stress like that?
Thank you!
You used the phrase "calm down" a few times here. That's the red flag. If you're going to treat anxious sensations as immediately requiring some special response that stops them ("calming down"), then that's going to stick you in this cycle. Stress is uncomfortable but the whole point of the recovery process is to learn the difference between discomfort and danger, and to learn that we are capable of moving through discomfort in a healthy way. Really, what choice do we have? Trying to immediately calm down and escape the feeling is clearly not working for you - or for any of us - so your first target is going to be the acceptance of the fact that finding a way to instantly calm yourself is not really the most desirable target.
Ok wow. Thats an interesting approach!
Because by all these breathwork and vagus nerve excercises etc it always seems that the main goal is to calm yourself down. And in my experience i become more and more desperate because it doesnt work.
I will try to resist the urge to solve any stress immediatly, otherwise i am in danger and my anxiety is not longer bareable.
And try to accept the „discomfort“. Hard lesson.
Thank you Drew!!
Dear Vivien, the threat response comes from a place of protection. There is no use to fight it or engage with it. She´s doing her job. If we just can really understand this approach and its nature, stress an anxiety can be our allies rather than our enemies when letting go, taking care ourselves with self-compassion... :)
Thank you Barbara! It is really challenging when anxiety is there from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep. Its difficult to work and do normal stuff and fighting through it everyday.
And always the question:
what is this anxiety trying to tell me? Why cant i take good care of myself?
What else should i do to get better? Am i ignoring something?
Vivien I am totally with you. I´ve been struggling with anxiety for more than 30 years, and still (diagnosed with GAD) 24/7. I think that what we need is exactly what we´re doing and that is Phsychoeducation. I also highly recommend CBT therapy with an expert in anxiety. In To keep listening to Drew´s podcasts, books, lives in IG ( with his amazing anxiety group of experts) will make all the difference. Stick to him , but DO everything he says ACTION! even when you find it hard, otherwise we will get stuck in the loop. Of course you´re taking care of the problem! be kinder to yourself! if you wish you can buy " The Self-Compassion workbook" by Kimberly Quinlan (so good). I hope this helps, remember, as Drew says, we are also here to support each other ( I´m sorry for my bad spelling, spanish is my first language), xoxoxo
Thank you so much for your response, Barbara. I have better times and worse times. Sometimes when the external stress is too high (like now) my strategies / doing everything WITH anxiety doesnt work anymore. Also the meditation, yoga, all the things that i do in addition-
The last weeks i have a relapse and my doctor said we shoud adapt my medication again to stabilize me. I hope it will help. I am not a big fan if medication, it helps just a little bit- but right now i have no other idea.
I am really down and struggle to keep going.
How about you? Can you work and have your daily life?
Good Morning Drew! Wonderful insight on recovery and seeing anxiety for what it is!