We all want and/or need support people. There’s no crime in having to lean on other humans sometimes, so do not labor under the mistaken idea that you must never ask for help. That’s simply not true.
Asking for help is not avoidance, cheating, failing, or going backwards. It’s just being human, which we are all allowed and even encouraged to be.
That out of the way, let’s talk about how to build a good support person when it comes to anxiety recovery. Imagine that we are building an anxiety recovery support robot. What code would we write to program that robot? What would we want to teach it to do so our robot would be as helpful possible as we go about the business of getting better?
Clearly, our friends and family members are not robots (unless you are a robot yourself in which case a robot family makes perfect sense), but here are some lines of code that you can feed your support people to help them to help you. Consider taking some time to sit with your support people to discuss these statements - our “lines of code” - so you can all come to an understanding as to how this should all work to everyone’s benefit.
“I am in charge of my recovery at all times. You cannot make me recover. Only I can do that.”
“You are not here to make me feel better. I am learning to do that myself.”
“You are not here to do things for me. I need to learn that I am capable of doing them.”
“Please do not participate in making excuses for my avoidance and irrational fear. I’m already very good at that and trying to break that habit so do not enable it.”
“When I am struggling, please remind me that am capable and always have been. “
“When I am afraid, please remind me that I always wind up OK no matter how I feel.”
“When I want to give up, please remind me of WHY I am traveling this path and doing these difficult things.”
“When all I want to talk about is how horrible this is, please remind me of my wins and my progress. I sometimes forget to acknowledge those things and this will help me.”
“Sometimes I need a hug and a shoulder to lean and/or cry on. Can you be that for me when I need it?”
“When I feel especially broken or like I just can’t do this because nobody understands and nobody is as bad as I am, please remind me that I am not doing this alone. Remind me that you are there cheering for me because sometimes I need to hear that.”
This is a good start. We could probably spend hours coming up with “lines of code” that we would use to program the ideal recovery support robot. But there’s only so many words in a morning email and I have to head to yet another Zoom call, so let’s continue this in the comments, shall we? If you’re reading this as a email, click the comments icon and tell me what lines of code you’d write for your support robot. I’d love to hear what you have to say.
If you’re listening to this as a podcast, head to theanxiousmorning.email if you’d like to participate with a comment of your own.
See you tomorrow.
63. Programming An Anxiety Support Robot