Yesterday on The Anxious Morning we talked about fearing emotions based on being fused with them and believing that your emotions are who you are.
Today I want to look at some other common misconceptions and mistaken beliefs about emotions. These unproductive beliefs about emotions can often become avoidance drivers and will stand in the way of recovery.
1. Positive Vibes Only
You may - for a variety of reasons - have formed the belief that only “positive” emotional states are permitted in life. This may drive you to avoid feeling emotions like fear, sadness, or anger. Some members of our community have learned this because they’ve been punished in the past for displaying negative emotions. Others have been told that negative emotions bring everyone else down and ruin everyone else’s day. Being taught that only positive emotions are allowed is a terrible situation to be in because no human can feel only positive all the time.
2. Control Yourself! Choose Happiness!
You may be laboring under the assumption that you should be able to control your emotions, or even to actively choose which emotions to experience. If this is the case, you may find yourself being judged as bad or unworthy (or judging yourself this way) for experiencing or expressing “negative” emotions. This can lead you to avoid situations that might elicit a negative emotional response from you. The idea that you can control your emotions or choose which emotions to have is ridiculous and absolutely unrealistic. Humans are designed to experience the full range of emotions that life will trigger. You are not bad or unworthy for feeling sad or angry. You are just human.
3. Weakness
You may have been taught that strong or capable people can keep emotions under wraps. I often see people claiming some kind intellectual and tactical high ground when asserting that they’ve removed all emotion from their thought process. If you were raised in an environment where keeping emotions under wraps was rewarded or praised, you may find yourself in a situation where you cannot risk being “overwhelmed” by your emotions and avoiding any situations that may trigger them. This is a huge mistake driven by some bad lessons. Humans are designed to feel and express emotion. Stifling emotions is no more an accomplishment than intentionally starving oneself. Both take tremendous effort and are incredibly unhealthy.
4. A Forever State
Some members of our community are afraid that emotional states can become so intense as to become permanent or never end. You may fear experiencing strong emotions and you may be avoiding this based on the mistaken belief that strong emotions might grow beyond your ability to handle them. You may believe that sadness - for example - can become so powerful that it turns into long term or even permanent depression. This mistaken belief can drive powerful avoidance behaviors designed to keep you FAR away from any possible interaction with negative emotions that may “overwhelm” you. To be sure, experiencing powerful negative emotions is one of the most difficult things for a human to do. But we are designed for that. It is part of life. And while it may be unpleasant and difficult, this does not make it in any way dangerous in the way you think it might be. Consider for a minute that you likely never worry about becoming overwhelmed by happiness and becoming permanently joyful. Why is that?
I could go on here. This is by no means an exhaustive list. They are just a of the most common mistaken beliefs and misconceptions surrounding emotions in our community.
Do any of these strike a chord with you? What can you do today to start to dismantle these mistaken beliefs? How can you learn that you are capable of handling emotions?
77. Common Misconceptions About Emotions